bizarrity

For the last few weeks I have been going through books on Soviet Russian history, motivated by a slight panic that next year isn't that far away and I need to find useful books for History Honours. My motivation has slowly turned into real interest as I read anecdotes and information that are almost too bizarre to be believed. I'd like to share some with you - but before I do, here's as small a summary as I can write for the uninitiated:

From the mid-twenties to the early-fifties, Stalin was the dictator who ravaged Russia and surrounding nations. The thirties in particular were drenched with blood and one of the major things that happened in them is referred to as the Purges, in which Stalin systematically exterminated and exiled anyone who could possibly have anything against him and even those who obviously didn't, using the NKVD, the Russian police force who later became the KGB. They were given labels such as Trotskyist (Trotsky was another Communist leader who had opposed Stalin and eventually fled the country) or saboteur etc. Prisoners would be forced to confess to ridiculous crimes, and then to denounce others.

Here's some of the stranger stories that come out of this period.

- A 65-year-old woman from a collective farm near Moscow who met Evgeniya Ginzburg was somehow denounced as a trotskistka (Trotskyist), a term she was so far from understanding that she confused it with traktoristka (tractor driver), and said to cellmates in prison, “I don't understand, they don’t put old women like me on tractors.” Having received a ten-year sentence for Trotskyist terrorism, she asked Ginzburg, “Are you one of those traktoritski too, dearie?”

- A war game in the army had a marshal simulating attacking Russia from the west. "General Lukirsky concluded that the Red Army would have to retreat to the east, but they would stabilize their line just outside Moscow. He was arrested and shot for “letting the enemy get to the gates of Moscow”.

- Both arrests and charges operated according to a quota system. A cellmate of Evgeniya Ginzburg: “as a Tartar it was simpler to put down ‘bourgeois nationalist’. Actually they had me down as a Trotskyite first, but they sent the file back saying they had exceeded the quota for Trotskyites but were short on nationalists.”

- Made-up confessions were encouraged to be dramatic. "A workman from Kiev gave a detailed account of attempts to blow up a bridge a kilometer long with several kilos of arsenic. Another explained his activities in an organisation aiming at the construction of a number of artificial volcanoes in order to explode the entire Soviet Union. Another prisoner admitted that he had informed the Polish consul of the weather as shown in a forecast put up regularly in a public park."

- The Arctic explorer Papanin was trapped on an ice floe in the Arctic circle for weeks with three associates, one of which was a NKVD man, and a dog. His diary was later published, but censored. In the uncensored version, he writes that the explorers and the dog celebrated Stalin’s birthday and the other Communist festivals by holding demonstrations on the ice, marching up and down with banners, since none of the quartet would dare suggest that the activity was preposterous.

- From Solzhenitsyn’s Gulag Archipelago: At the conclusion of a conference in Moscow, a tribute to Comrade Stalin was called for. Of course, everyone leapt to his feet, and the small hall echoed with stormy applause… for three, then four, then five minutes. The NKVD was standing in the hall watching to see who quit first! After eleven minutes of applause, the director of the local paper factory sat down – and everyone else stopped with a sigh of relief. That same night the factory director was arrested and given ten years.

- 'The NKVD built a case against a young man who was the champion stamp collector in the north Caucasion town of Kholodnogorsk, on the grounds that his collection contained a German stamp with Hitler on it as well as an English one with Queen Victoria that was worth more than its Soviet one with Lenin. The young man was forced to confess that he “led a counterrevolutionary organization masked as a stamp collector society”. '

- Prisoners in independent parts of the country independently devised large-scale denouncing, reasoning that this would drive the system to such grotesque extremes that society would collapse unless it was halted. One imprisoned doctor from Kharkov pleaded guilty at once and listed on paper the several hundred doctors of Kharkov, all of whom he knew by name, as enemies whom he had recruited. His interrogator balked at arresting all Kharkov’s doctors, and so the prisoner reported him for shielding members of a counterrevolutionary organisation.

- One cabdriver’s interrogator wanted him to confess to his crimes without being told what they were. Eventually, after a long night of interrogation, he finally confessed, and was hit in the face for crimes he did not even know he had confessed to.

- There was a lack of hay or fodder for livestock – so Soviet agronomists created a new form of silage called ‘twig fodder’, officially proving that small branches of pine and fir trees were rich in calories and vitamins, assuming that horses and cattle would eat them. Anyone who disagreed was sent to a concentration camp. The result: starving and dying horses, and officials too scared to report what was actually happening.

Though the entire history of this time in Russia is tragic, there are other stories which I will not repeat that are absolutely heartrending. You may remember that sometimes I have written posts about becoming a tyrannical dictator and sending people to the gulag - well, I want to announce that further study of history has totally killed that joke for me and I will no longer be mentioning it.

If you are interested in reading the most well-written and amazing memoirs on this subject, look up Evgeniya Ginzburg's two books Journey Into The Whirlwind and Within the Whirlwind. Gripping and bizarre yet moving reading.

[These stories were taken from Stalin and the Shaping of the Soviet Union, by Alex de Jonge; chapter four Soviet Politics 1917-1991, by Mary McAuley; and chapter seventeen Stalin in Power, by Robert C. Tucker.]

lost in Austen

I have just made my very first purchase from Amazon (bear in mind that I do not live in the States and in so doing regulate your astonishment), which arrived today, O excitement of excitements! I saw this book talked about on the fantastic Austen fansite Tilneys and Trapdoors, and immediately knew I had to have it, whatever the cost (within reason, I suppose). To my delight, even with postage this was very reasonably priced, and I got stuck into it as soon as it arrived.

Lost in Austen: Create your own Jane Austen Adventure, by Emma Campbell Webster. This is a lot like those great Create Your Own Adventure books that I used to read at age ten, but obviously written for psycho, immature Austen fans such as myself. You can follow through with the major Pride and Prejudice storyline, or pick little offshoots which may introduce Elizabeth Bennet to Mr Knightley of Emma or other Austen characters, or which introduce an alternate ending to P&P. On the way, you collect points for Intelligence, Confidence and Fortune, and also Connections (both Superior and Inferior), Accomplishments and Failings. Depending on how many you get, this may affect your ability in the end to make a happy and successful marriage.

Emma Campbell Webster does a great job at paraphrasing Austen in second person, and it is written and developed with tongue firmly in cheek, not trying too hard to sound nineteenth century all the time (as this is obviously written for a twenty-first century audience) but also maintaining the feel of the narrative and of Jane Austen's spirit. There are no ghastly mistakes that make me grit my teeth and wonder if she's read the original more than twice. Some of the alternate endings are hilarious, although I haven't read them all yet, with the result that you don't actually mind dying alone in abject poverty because it's really funny. She has also managed to get Jasper Fforde to endorse the book, which I think is fantastic, as he has done some really creative and amusing fiddling with Austen and literature in general.

This book is so much fun. I highly recommend it. This will be on my list of official government-sanctioned books when I am a tyrannical dictator.

bloody hippies

Okay - I was on the train yesterday coming home from town after a successful shopping trip (yay! I found a super cheap CD shop and went a little overboard), and this guy gets on, looking like he's trying to be an Australian Rastafarian/hermit/swagman/hippie/free spirit, with his bike and a guitar. He leans his bike up against the wall, and starts strumming away loudly. Now I'm listening (very happily) to my ipod, and I happen to really, really enjoy catching the train because it gives me half an hour or more to listen to my favourite music and generally zone myself out, so this really pisses me off. Then he comes and sits down across from me and looks at me like I'm a closet imperialist/yuppie/sweatshop manager, sitting there with my ipod, sunnies and leather handbag, and plays louder, as if it's necessary to make me listen to him and in so doing enlarge my tiny imprisoned mind. At one point, to give him the benefit of the doubt, I turned off my ipod and listened, but his guitar sounded like it was about to snap in half and the strings like they were made of elastic bands. Back on goes the ipod.

The one moment of satisfaction I got from the whole share-your-free-spirit-with-the-whole-train thing was when, right at the start, he started playing and his bike fell over with a huge crash, so he had to go rearrange it. I must have a cruel sense of humour but it was the funniest thing that happened all day.

So who is more sadistic - he or me? And which is better - an unoriginal ipod-generation yuppie, or an annoying Rasta hippie who wants to share his freedom with a whole trainload of people?

When I am a tyrannical dictator, this is an issue I will have to address.

Edit: Oh, and by the way, you may remember my post on choosing a destination to visit in Western Australia, and the poll I asked you to vote on. Monkey Mia came first by one vote, then the backpacker bus trip, then third equal Ningaloo and Kalgoorlie. Well - thank you for your input. I have made my decision, and on Sunday I am going on holiday for a few days. I will tell you where and how and everything else when I get back. :)

the president and me

Thanks, Stacy, for this meme idea which is just about the most fun meme ever! Here's my contribution.

Finally, if you have time and you haven't done so yet, please vote on my poll on the destination I should choose to visit in Western Australia - you will find photos and a quick list of the pros and cons of each in my last blog post.

The Coolest Job Ever

My sister has just found me what is officially The Coolest Job Ever!!! (Except for being a tyrannical dictator, of course.) If only I were in New Zealand and free to take it up. Feel free, any other grammar geek readers, to emigrate to Aotearoa and compete for this stellar job.

Seriously, I love that there are actually jobs out there that I would never think, gee, I'd love to be a captioning producer, but which would suit me down to a T. (Except for the fast touch-typing bit but I could fludge my way through that bit I think.)

If you were one of those who prayed for the woman I mentioned on my God is Nice blog, I've posted an update on there.

world domination

The World Domination Meme, thanks to Stacy:

You are offered one superhero power to help you take over the world (or the country of your choice). What would your superpower be and why?

My superpower would be the power to appear to each person as their greatest ideal, eg to be a sort of reverse Boggart. This would make everyone vote for me and think that I was democratically elected rather than a tyrannical dictator, and if I was careful, it would prohibit all forms of resistance.

Where will you establish your capital and why?

Unfortunately, I believe local domination is too small an aim; world domination alone can satisfy. Therefore, Christchurch is just too small and far away from everywhere to be the capital of my global empire as it is. All the same, I don't want to have it anywhere else because that would be an insult to the glory that is Christchurch. Therefore, I will have the South Island of New Zealand dug up, and towed to a more convenient location.

What would be your first official decree as a brand new dictator? Why?

I would announce a ban on rogaine, because it is a fallacy of a sport and a crime.

As a Great and Fearsome Leader, you will need to have the best people working for you. Who would work for you? (Feel free to use famous people, fictional characters, friends and family, or other people from the blogosphere in your answer.) What would their jobs be?

My Deputy will be Stacy, because she is obviously adept in handling minions and dominating the world. She will also understand that I am ruthless, can read minds, and that the moment she starts considering usurping me, being sent to the gulag will be the least of her worries.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh from Pride and Prejudice will be my Chief of Police because she is a seriously scary and ruthless old woman.

My entire family will be given high-paying jobs in government departments which involve hardly any work, because what is the use of dominating the world if you can't be a nepotist?

My niece Ruby will be my PR person because she is so cute that everyone will take one look at her and forget about the thousands toiling in the gulag that they had come to complain about.

Henry Tilney from Northanger Abbey will be the chaplain, because he's the coolest clergyman that has yet been seen in a novel.

Peter Jackson will be in charge of Propaganda. Bono and the Edge will set pro-Allie rhymes to music. Rachmaninov, Grieg and Mendelssohn will collaborate on pro-Allie symphonies and operas.

If you could make one annoying habit illegal in your empire, what would it be?

Wearing those condom-like hats that rappers wear in music videos.

a day in the life of allie

I've had one of those interesting up-and-down days. The details are as follows:

1) Last night I got home very late from Navs, sinking thankfully into bed, when fifteen minutes later, I heard a mouse run across my floor, squeaking. Now, I should probably explain that lately I have started verging on obsessive-compulsive behaviour about making sure my door is always shut, etc etc, so that no mice can get in - because if there is a mouse in our house, it is certain to end up in my room (see previous posts here and here on this topic) - and it's become more of a thing than it really should be. I had to go sleep in the spare room and obviously couldn't get to sleep for a long time, while I woke up extremely early this morning. As soon as Dad got up, I rushed out to tell him and ended up sitting down on the couch, bursting into tears, and crying for about twenty minutes because I hate mice so much and I was so tired. Agh.

2) In Canta, the university student magazine, this morning, this was one of the letters:
"Mike, I love you and I'll do anything for you." - Kathryn Salm, 2200 hrs, Thursday, 24th of May, 2007.
Mike.

Haha! I love that he felt the need to document that.

3) I spent the entire morning trying to think up ways to make my minimal knowledge on the anti-Aristotelian techniques of Brecht take up even more words in a 3000-word essay due Friday. Actually, most of the time was spent groaning and trying to motivate myself. I hate the end of semester.

4) I went to see my history lecturer about possible Honours projects for next year, and I could do my Honours thesis on the Soviet gulag!!!! I could be even more knowledgeable about tyrannical dictatorships! Or, even cooler, I could look at Shostaskovich and Prokofiev and other cool composers and their relationships with the Soviet authorities.

5) I met up for coffee this afternoon with my very good friend Katie, who arrived back yesterday after studying at the University of British Columbia for five months. YAY! It's so good to see her again!

6) After meeting Katie, I went to a computer lab again, looked in my bag for my memory stick, only to find it... gone. *SCREAM* My entire morning's work was on there, plus my history presentation for tomorrow, plus all my creative writing and past essays. I spent about ten hysterical minutes hunting through my entire bag before finally checking my email in the almost exhausted hope that someone had found it - and thank God that there are nice people in the world, who took the time to check my memory stick for ownership details, and sent me an email. I'm so relieved.

So I feel now like my emotions are all over the place. I need to go buy myself a nice caramel slice and another coffee, I think. But I won't. Because I am saving. Sigghhh...

bureaucracy is oppressive

I would like to add some more rules to my imminent tyrannical dictatorship.

1) Anyone who has at any time devised policy for Studylink, that oppressor of the hard-working student-proletariat, is off to the gulag. As soon as I am in power, a task force will immediately investigate the farce that is my student allowance woes of the last week. Those who forgot to tell me that I needed to prove my income, those who gave me a day to make my boss write me a letter, those who then ignored the letter and didn't pay me my money - they're all off to the gulag, for obviously trying to subvert the course of the revolution.

2) Small children who don't pay attention to their tutors will spend an hour every day copying out the words, "I must treat my tutor as I would treat the supreme leader of this great and glorious nation."

Thank you.

October 30... day of infamy...

So, Stacy's tagged me to do this birthday meme. It involves typing your date of birth into google (which, in my case is 30 October)! Pretty simple really, so here goes:

List three events that happened that day

1) 1938 - Orson Welles broadcasts his radio play of H. G. Wells's War of the Worlds, causing a nationwide panic. I'd never heard of this before but thought it rather amusing!
2) 1961 - Due to "violations of Lenin's precepts", it is decreed that Josef Stalin's body be removed from its place of honour inside Lenin's tomb and buried near the Kremlin wall with a plain granite marker instead. Given my interest in Soviet Russia, this seemed a good choice for an event.
3) 2005 - The rebuilt Dresden Frauenkirche (destroyed in the firebombing of Dresden during World War II) is reconsecrated after a thirteen-year rebuilding project. And I just thought this was kinda cool.

List two important birthdays
1) 1821 - Fyodor Dostoevsky, Russian writer. Hooray! I had thought for years that no one cool was born on my birthday. But there could be nothing cooler than sharing a birthday with Dostoevsky, in my humble, literature-student opinion.
2) 1885 - Ezra Pound, American poet. That's a little bit cool too, but not quite as cool as Dostoevsky.

List 1 death
1968 - Rose Wilder Lane. I chose her because she was literally the only person on the list whose name I knew. Is it right to be depressed that no one amazingly important has died on your birthday?

List a holiday or observance
International Orthopaedic Nurses Day. Part-ay! The other option was 'Mischief Night' in the USA.

Well, maybe this post doesn't quite live up to the promising title. So sue me.

I am about the most tired I have been since ever right now. I am pushing myself very hard at uni and with my tutoring and so on and I'm wondering how long I can keep it up. It is the first time ever that I have drunk about five large caffeine-sodden drinks in one day without feeling any effects whatsoever except the unwanted ones. Please tell me I'm not alone! Actually, don't do that. I want to be the only busy person in the world so that I can gripe as much as I like and everyone else will only look at me admiringly and whisper to each other about how hard-working and humble I am. I think that will be another law in my tyrannical dictatorship. Never be busier than Allie, or it's the gulag for you.

my tyrannical dictatorship

I have decided to take a leaf from Sarakastic's book, and create a list of rules for when I have my own tyrannical dictatorship. Sara is merely going for princesshood, but I'm feeling grumpy, and a dictatorship seemed appropriate given that I am currently up to my ears in Nazi Germany, so much so that I'm not quite sure where I live anymore.

1) I would send long-winded and unintelligible academics to a gulag. Judith Butler would be at the top of my list. Has anyone else had the joy of reading Judith Butler? Here's a choice example: "To claim that gender is constructed is not to assert its illusoriness or artificiality, where those terms are understood to reside within a binary that counterposes the 'real' and the 'authentic' as oppositional. ... Certain cultural configurations of gender take the place of the 'real' and consolidate and augment their hegemony through that felicitous self-naturalization." [Butler, Judith (1989) Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity, London: Routledge.] Enough said, right?

2) Today I watched some of the Cinderella movie with a Maori voiceover. Didn't understand a thing. But I have decided that in my dictatorship, if children want to watch cartoons or movies, they might as well learn another language while doing so. Therefore, Spongebob will be in Russian, Shrek in Mandarin, and the Simpsons will be in Gaelic. You will be able to choose to have subtitles - thereby, improving kids' reading as well as their language skills!

3) Petrol will be kept at a fixed rate of five cents a litre. That is, unless you drive a ugly great fuel-consuming attention-grabbing four wheel drive and don't live in the country. In that case, you will subsidise everyone else's fuel reduction, plus pay fully for your own. Ha!

4) Every day, people over ten years of age would have to learn a new word, and prove it to a state-sponsored official who would ring every residence every evening to check up on you. And it would have to be an interesting word, and you would have to justify learning it, and you would have to spell it exactly right.

5) I would personally have to approve every song that came onto the airways. Rappers would be treading on thin ice; likewise earnest boy bands. No more Hallmark card Christian hymns; in fact any hymns that mention the word 'passion' or 'hold me close' would be gone. Any songs that were played too much on the radio, enough so that I got sick of them - gone.

6) No more coloured blazers, especially pale blue or pink, with a contrasting tie. Yucky! The only exception would be for very dark colours, such as navy, I suppose. But you'd have to apply for a special exemption.

7) No more piano accordions. As the Far Side cartoon goes, 'Welcome to heaven. Here's your harp. / Welcome to hell. Here's your piano accordion.' There would also be a limit on the numbers of children learning violin or flute, and if you wanted to do violin or flute but couldn't get in, you would be put into a class to do something much cooler, such as bagpipes or didgeridoo. On the other hand, no more jokes about recorders. Recorders are noble instruments.

Well, that'll do for a start, I suppose. Plenty more time to plot.

An aside: I think I'm developing RSI (or OOS) again in my left arm. Grooooaaaaan. I'm right-handed but I've had it quite badly in my left arm before and I have a feeling that practicing CPR on Saturday wasn't fantastic for it.