I've decided to write myself a list of attributes that I would want in a boyfriend, as a reference, just in case I meet someone who is totally unsuitable for the role and yet is tempting in some weird way (which tends to be the pattern so far). This seems like such a girly thing to do and I sometimes feel silly being girly but I have decided I need to overcome my fear and write me a list!
Crucials: (in no particular order)
- Communication. There is no way I can be with someone that I'm unable to talk about most things openly with.
- Similar tastes. This doesn't mean he has to love Jane Austen and classical music (or my other interests), but it does mean he has to be able to tolerate them, preferably to enjoy them, and perhaps, every now and then, to say something intelligent about them. We would also have to enjoy ourselves in compatible ways; for example, I hate dancing and I don't like alcohol so it's not like I would put up with going clubbing every weekend.
- Capable of considered thinking. No doubt this is an elitist and snobbish thing to say, but he does have to have some education, or at least a natural intelligence. I don't like people who don't have reasons for why they think something, or who can't articulate those reasons. It's also probably unfeminist to admit this, but it's true - I don't think I could have a long-term relationship with someone whose mind I didn't respect. I would actually like to go out with someone who is smarter than me. All the same, they must enjoy lowbrow things and not make me feel anti-intellectual for watching a chick flick or reading an Agatha Christie/Georgette Heyer novel.
- Sense of humour. This is important. They must laugh at similar things to me. Even if my sense of humour sucks, I would prefer to share it with someone whose humour equally sucks than a comedic giant.
- Nice. As Bridget Jones would say, no 'alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional f***wits or freeloaders, perverts'. That is a much more detailed list than the one in my head, but I would hope that a boy I would go out with would not be racist or sexist or just mean to certain people.
- Christian. Last year I met someone who seemed perfect... except that he wasn't a Christian (and he was moving back to the States in a few weeks so it couldn't have worked anyway). I thought then that perhaps a shared belief wasn't so important. I still think it's not exactly a black and white issue - but I think for me PERSONALLY (the crucial word) a shared belief would be very, very important. I've had a couple of Christian friends who started going out with non-Christians, which was fine at first, but then as it got more serious, there was all this agonising involved that I would really like to spare myself.
- Attractiveness. I purposefully avoided the word 'good-looking' here because there are some men who could actually be described as ugly but are totally attractive. All I require is to not feel repulsed at the thought of touching them. On the other hand, I don't want someone who looks like a demigod because that would make me totally insecure and neurotic.
- Liked by my family. I cannot imagine dating someone my siblings hated or couldn't get along with. Because we are all very close, it would just seem so weird.
Important but I'm willing to compromise:
- Height and build. Because I'm a tall girl, I really don't want to go out with someone noticeably shorter than me. It just seems awkward to me. Likewise, I don't want to go out with a stick insect or I will feel like an elephant.
- Not completely opposed to children. If I liked the guy enough, this would not be the be-all-and-end-all; after all, I've got lots of nieces and nephews. But I think I would like to have kids one day and it would be nice if he could feel the same way if it got serious.
- Not overly sporty but likes the outdoors. I love travelling around and going on walks in the country and stuff... but by that I don't mean hardcore stuff. And if someone wanted me to do that with them - it would be a major turn-off.
- Ambition. I think this is probably the same of any woman - I don't want to go out with someone who is happy to spend his life working at McDonalds. I don't mean he has to want to earn millions or be famous or something. I just want someone who challenges themselves. On the other hand, too much ambition is definitely a bad thing. A friend used to go out with someone who had a plan to be a millionaire by the time they were thirty, which leads me on to my next point...
- Awareness of social responsibility. I don't want to be with someone who wants to store themselves up a little cache of riches, or who lives by the principle of 'who dies with the most toys wins'. I think it's a selfish and wrong attitude. I want to be with someone who is compassionate to people who are less fortunate or in trouble, and who wants to do something about it, and who can't justify living in a bubble.
Not very important but if it can be managed:
- British accent. :)
So there you have it. Let me know if you fill the criteria.
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