Thursday, June 14, 2007

casting call

Well, Stacy was the only one to suggest any actors for the roles of Tamara, Bronson or Norm (see previous post), and I happen to agree with her - Orlando Bloom would make a fantastic Bronson. As long as he can do a really, really corny American accent, because, as we know, the good guys are always American. Doesn't he just look like the archetypal good-guy-activist/child of an alien abductee? My only concern is that he may not be able to muster up the strength to carry Tamara out of any caves that are about to explode.

I'm not too sure about the female lead yet, but Jennifer Connelly seems to visually suit the Tamara role. She'll have to speak in a British accent, of course, because all scientists who are about to do something potentially planet-threatening are British. It would be a plus if she could wear glasses, and have a hyphenated surname. And of course her hair will have to be back in a tight bun, until she falls in with Bronson. I'm thinking a traumatic experience in her past has made her dress severely and act unapproachable, but she is scrupulously fair to her goofy assistants. I was thinking Rachel Weisz for the role at first, but I actually quite like her, and I would not force her to star opposite Orlando Bloom for all the world.

I'm also pretty sure that Kris Marshall of Love Actually would make a fantastic Norm, the nerd assistant who in my alternate ending has always been in love with Tamara and sacrifices himself for her in the end. I mean, just look at him. How cute is he? Some glasses, stammering, a white lab coat, and some pimples wouldn't go astray onscreen, but Norm needs that little-English-boy vibe.

Now, I was also thinking we need a villain. Obviously, the ewillas are pretty villainous, but I think we need an evil cigar-smoking, vodka-swilling Russian scientist/millionaire (with KGB origins, of course) to play a part in it all. He could be the one who bankrolls the entire project, but with the original aim in mind of developing a species to help him take over the world. At some point, Tamara will slap him, after which his thugs will grab her, twisting her arms behind her back, and she will cry helplessly, "Bronson! Help me!" Bronson will respond by clenching his fists and shouting "You brute!" at the villain, who will then launch himself into a monologue. Any suggestions for the villain's name and the actor who should play him? And what of his obligatory vile little habit? (ie, drinking vodka from skulls, or having an eye that bleeds like the villain in Casino Royale?) And how can he be killed?


Trish Ryan said...

One of the guys from Stacy's Ukranian Baptist Mafia, perhaps? A minion who has taken a turn for the dark side?

Vasily said...

Sexy minions do not bleed from the eye ball!!!!!!!

Sarakastic said...

Jon Voight, he's a villain in pretty much every movie, I'm sure he could do the whole drinking from skulls

LEstes65 said...

I always have trouble with Orlando being any kind of heroic lead. Because I'm with you on the fact that he probably can't lift a fully grown adult. I'd wager money he couldn't lift one of my LEGS. He's a bit to whimpy for me. Now here's a thought - Clive Owen. He can play hero and he can play slimy scary guy. Either way, he's totally hot doing it and I will see any movie with him in it.