apologies

I think I need a holiday.

I'm:
- stressed because we have to move house soon;
- anxious about the situation in our flat (we need someone to move into our new flat with us from 19 December and start paying rent; this Someone is still making up her mind and we don't know if we'll find anyone else in time if she says no);
- coming down with bugs/headaches every week;
- generally short on money;
- unable to summon up much motivation or enthusiasm to work hard on my thesis;
- supposed to finish its first chapter in less than two weeks (I've written one page);
- feeling completely unable to write anything creative and worried I'm not going to be able to keep up with HDtS;
- unable to take a holiday because I've taken too many already and I'll need time later when my family shows up for Christmas/New Year's;
- stressed out by a private situation which has been developing, and that's really all I can say;
Et cetera.

So this is my explanation for being the proprietor of a Very Boring Blog over the last little while. And this post doesn't make anything better. I'm sorry. I just don't feel like I can think about anything right now.

On the bright side, I have discovered Gilmore Girls for the first time in my life. My flatmate bought the complete seven seasons on DVD a while ago and we have been slowly making our way through them (we've almost finished the third season). I LOVE THEM. They make me happy. I can't explain the relief of getting home from a unproductive, depressing day and watching a couple of hours of pure pleasure. I think my flatmate must be extremely tired of me spouting my feelings; "Oh I love him so much!" whenever Kirk pops up.

But then I feel bad because I spent two hours on pure pleasure and should have spent it taking notes from long boring books or squeezing historical insight from my tired mind.

a secret no more

I am a  Sort-of Modern Girl. Although the idea of getting married isn't all bad and I'd like to get married one day, I'm not hanging out for it and I don't think I'd mind staying single. Really! It's true! Please believe me, despite what I'm about to tell you!

I have a THING for collecting walking-up-the-aisle music.

It started when a friend of mine got engaged and asked me if I knew good wedding music. I went home, spent a whole afternoon and evening listening to music, and made her a mix CD. Of course, it turned out she didn't want classical music (a standpoint I simply can't understand), least of all the sort of music I recommended, which were definitely not the traditional wedding songs. She ended up unable to find a modern walking-up-the-aisle song, and fell back on Pachelbel's "Canon in D". Now, I am not saying there is anything wrong with "Canon in D", or "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring" or "Trumpet Voluntary" or any of the other standard wedding songs; in fact, I think they're beautiful and appropriate, but I've just heard them so many times at weddings, and I want to be a little more creative in my choice.

Then another friend got engaged, and soon after I was hooked on collecting wedding music. I now have a playlist on my iPod of possible wedding music. Some of it more possible, some of it less so. I justify it by saying it's for friends. But I know if I get engaged, ever, the choice of music for walking up the aisle will be just about the most important decision to do with the ceremony, in my eyes. And woe betide the fiance who gets in my way!!

So here is my list of ideas for slightly original wedding music.

Classical

Symphony No. 3 in C Minor, by Saint-Saens. [the first few minutes] You're going to have to have a BIG personality, or at the very least a big cathedral to pull this one off. Okay, so it's a bit OTT for a wedding - and I don't blame my friends for turning down this option - but something in me WISHES I could walk up the aisle to music like this. Maybe if I marry Prince William like I intended when I was nine.

Nimrod, by Elgar. This is an absolutely gorgeous piece of music with a perfect crescendo, I think, building up to what could easily be the entrance of the bride. It has slightly bittersweet overtones, but not too much so - easily could be interpreted joyously.

Ode to St. Cecilia's Day, by Handel. This is a lovely, lovely, happy piece that my recorder ensemble used to play. Definitely in keeping with the wedding vibe, but not especially well-known.

Madrigal, from Romeo and Juliet, by Prokofiev. Dreamy, pretty, romantic... Creating exactly the right sort of feeling, I think. A charming little flute part at the beginning that would be perfect for the flowergirls walking in, then building up with the bridesmaids and the bride.

Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini, by Rachmaninoff. I can't claim this to be my own idea, as my sister used it for walking up the aisle at her own wedding, but I remember thinking it was a lovely, classy choice. The only thing that's necessary, I think, is a reasonable-sized wedding party, or the gaps between bridesmaids and bride may be too long, as it builds so beautifully towards the bride's entrance, and you can't really cut it off early.

Wedding Day at Troldhaugen, by Grieg. Obviously not my idea, given the title, and it so happens that another sister walked up the aisle to this (as did I, as I was her bridesmaid). We only played the last section of it, about two and a half minutes, which was sectioned perfectly for our bridal party - one flowergirl, three bridesmaids, and then the dramatic entry of the bride. I would recommend this one more highly than any of the others, because it is an AWESOME piece of music, unusual enough not to bore people, but totally suited to a wedding. Some people dislike it because it's not quite as dignified (or dull?) as some wedding music, but I love it!

Bist du bei mir, by Stolzel. This is a gorgeous song for voice and keyboard accompaniment, and is not unusual at weddings. My suggestion to make it your own is to have piano or organ accompaniment, with an alto recorder on the tune. I know, I know, you've never heard a recorder played pleasantly. Honestly, an alto recorder is perfect for this song, and if you will pay my flights and accomodation, I'll come and show you!! Otherwise, find a good recorder player, and they will show you.

Finlandia, by Sibelius. Okay, so not the whole thing - that would be incredibly inappropriate. However, if you have a pipe organ in the church you're using, I once heard a pipe organ version of this song which I thought would totally fit the occasion. Start from about 3:30 in, and go up to the point at which the famous hymn tune begins. A grand wedding march!

Rustle of Spring, by Sinding. This is a beautiful piano piece, evocative of spring and happiness! Another piece with a fantastic build-up towards the entrance of the bride.

Cello Suite #1 in G, by Bach. This would be an amazing and VERY classy entry. My only concern is that it's slightly sombre, but although it wouldn't work for everyone, I think some people it would suit precisely.

Fantasia on Greensleeves, by Leonard Bernstein. The beginning section of this is atmospheric, romantic, and would create a really special feeling as the bride walked the aisle, I think. Almost like she was walking on air.

Non-Classical

So I don't really approve of walking up the aisle to modern music... but because you're my friend, and if you absolutely INSIST on it, here's some ideas for some modern instrumental music - mostly from films, funnily enough - that wouldn't be completely horrible.

Message to my Girl, played by Carl Doy. [instrumental version of the Split Enz song]

Forrest Gump theme.

Pepinot, from the film "Les Choristes". Gorgeous song.

PM's Love Theme, from "Love Actually". A little OTT but if you're into that...

Maggie and Finn, from "Waking Ned Devine". Celtic feel - lovely.

Bridge over Troubled Water. I have an instrumental version of this played on piano by Karel Roessingh which wouldn't be bad.

And one vocal song which actually would be kind of lovely: Fix You, Coldplay

My Secret Weapon

Finally, The Song that I want to walk up the aisle to. It is a close call with "Wedding Day at Troldhaugen", but at least Troldhaugen is specifically a wedding song and if someone else uses it, I can still use it. This song, however, is not a traditional wedding song, and I do not tell my friends about it, in case they steal it. I feel about it similarly to how you'd feel if your best friend or sibling used the name you've been holding on to since you were ten for their child.

However, my siblings are all married now, and my face-to-face friends don't read this blog, and so I am going to break my silence. Drum roll, please.

Romance, from The Gadfly, by Shostakovich. Not all interpretations of this work for weddings, but I have a recording of it which is probably on iTunes everywhere - the artists on this version are Tamsin Little and Piers Lane. It is the most beautiful piece of violin music I have ever heard, with piano accompaniment. It is the perfect timing for a walk up the aisle - about three minutes. It crescendoes perfectly. I can't say enough good things about it.

So there you have it. My secret is yours. Use it well.

reasons to be happy

Norwester sunsets.

Christchurch's norwest winds can be horrible in summer, but when they produce an atmosphere like they did last night, when I was walking home from the mall gazing at a sunset that looked like something out of a Renaissance painting or like how you imagine Jesus' return... I love 'em!

Brisk walking.My two gorgeous nieces who have just moved back to Christchurch. SO much fun to spend time with them (they are aged two, and eleven months respectively).

Dreaming up places to go in Europe.

My Masters topic. I LOVE it!! Finally, I am fully motivated.

Chicken katsu, which I had last night at the mall before walking home as the sun set.

The Scissor Sisters' song "I Don't Feel Like Dancing". This song makes me HAPPY! I listened to it last night as I walked along the road watching the sun set. :) Do you sense a pattern here?

Autumn! Especially on campus, which is full of ugly buildings but lots and lots of trees. You don't even notice all the concrete in autumn because the trees are so glorious.

Book shopping. Especially at Christchurch's old Smith's Bookshop on Colombo Street. That place is exactly how secondhand bookshops should be!

Related to autumn : crunchy leaves to step on. Deep satisfaction!

[NB: None of these photos are mine except the nieces one.]

accidental fortuitous irregularity

The word "random" being so 2001, this is a list of 25 Haphazard Things About Me or Somehow Related to Me or What I Am Thinking About Now. (Okay, so "haphazard" is not a perfect synonym, but that's all the thesaurus had. Neither is it a catchy little title. No excuses in that case.)

1. I used to play in a recorder quintet in Perth, Australia. The people whose house we practised in had a budgie who could whistle Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture, and the budgie frequently joined in while we played.

2. I should be studying harder. But I'm not. It's going to take me a while to master this Masters thing (actually no pun intended) of self-motivated study.

3. I am listening to the new U2 album right now! No Line on the Horizon. I love it so far! My feeling is: still U2 produced by Brian Eno, but a developing sound. Contemporary but not too overtly fashionable. Very listenable. Rough-edged, which is how I like it. Creative vocals.

4. There is a guy at my church who is very goodlooking, in a very unconventional way. Although he's a very nice guy, we don't have much in common and I'm not interested, so there's no need for me to start behaving oddly, but it is nice to have some man candy around. Is that sexist?

5. I am hoping that this year I will be able to visit the UK for research purposes - there are two archives I would love to visit, one in London and one in Brighton. I won't be able to afford to do much stuff or stay for long but I'm hoping I'll have at least one or two weekends free to see something, and I've wanted to go to Bath for a long time, so that goes straight to the top of the list...

6. ... and, as it turns out, very fortuitously, at precisely the time I am planning to be in the UK (September), the Jane Austen Centre of Bath is holding a JANE AUSTEN FESTIVAL!!! And, one of my best friends, who is a big Austen fan too, will be in the UK at the same time, exploring a little before she starts working in France! I think that constitutes clear guidance - I must go to the UK in September!

7. My name in Cyrillic alphabet is: ЭЛЕЙ

8. I have a god-daughter.

9. I keep having dreams about this one guy that I used to work with, and I can't figure out why. I actually told him about the first one of them, in which I got married to him and then he left me the next day for a man. He found it hilariously funny. But I thought it might be a bit much to try to explain why I've had at least five dreams featuring him since then.

10. I am currently reading The Screwtape Letters, by C. S. Lewis. Good book.

11. I have eleven nieces and nephews, all of whom I love very much but have taught me a lot. Namely, that parenthood is not something to be entered into lightly.

12. I tire easily of making lists and 25 is just too big a number. Let's make it twelve.

on the radio

Five songs that I am loving at the moment.


"Get on your boots", U2.
Obviously I was always going to be excited by a new U2 single but I am not at all disappointed by this one, if that means anything! They're not losing It as they get older, in my opinion, yet neither are they doing quite the same old thing. It'll be exciting to see what the album's like.

"The Fear", Lily Allen.
It's great to see that Lily Allen is bringing us more of her quirky, irreverent and honest music but also developing her sound. I love the first single off her album - it's either incredibly ironic or incredibly self-aware, or maybe a little of both. I love that she can say things that are so much more interesting than the average pop song but she says them in such a fun way.
"Single Ladies", Beyoncé

I'm not normally a fan of Beyoncé, nor a fan of dancey-type music (unless we're talking ABBA) - but for some strange reason I love this song. It took me a while. At first whenever I heard it I wondered why on earth Beyoncé would record such a strange song, but now I really enjoy it every time I hear it. The video is also very cool.

"American Boy", Estelle feat. Kanye West
I think this has been around for a while now but I'm still listening to it avidly. This is such a cool British sort of hip hop - funky, carefree, restrained... One of the few songs featuring Kanye West in which I can see what all the fuss is about.

"My Delirium", Ladyhawke

This is a music style called "indie-disco" by iTunes (I personally wouldn't have a clue what it is!) that I find really interesting and fun, and I love this, Ladyhawke's second single. Good driving music, I would guess. Also a great, creative video. I would love to get the whole album, actually.

from the arbiter of trends, to you

I think I could have a career writing for women's magazines...

What's Hot
1. McDonalds strawberry milkshakes. I don't know and I don't care how bad they are for me - they're cheap and goood, and it's hot outside, and I like studying in busy, noisy places that don't mind me buying one drink and sitting there for an hour.
2. The possibility of researching abroad in cool archives like this.
3. The new U2 single!!!! Yippee! For a while there I had thought I was losing my U2 obsession and suddenly I love 'em again.
4. Moving into a flat for the first time. Acquiring a life of my own.
5. Going camping!! Next week, in two of the coolest (or should I say hottest?) spots in New Zealand, with one of my best friends. Cheap holidays are great!
6. The Buskers' Festival. The centre of Christchurch is more bustling and fun at the moment than at any other time of the year.

And What's Not
1. Weather that is unbearably hot (and yes, I have noticed that I'm designating "hot" weather as "not hot")
2. The reality setting in that people don't want to give me free money to go research abroad unless I can justify it. And by justifying it, that means doing something politically correct or financially rewarding.
3. Moving out of home for the first time. Leaving my parent all on his own and feeling guilty.
4. Writing a research proposal. Not fun.
5. White-tail spiders finding ways to enter the house.

a selection of good reads

Just because I felt like it, I am here listing a few of my favourite books. These aren't necessarily in my group of absolute favourites (although a couple are) and you will have heard of or read most of them already, probably. But here is what I like about a random selection of good books.


The Tricksters, by Margaret Mahy
Now, this is a claim made by someone who isn't actually fully informed yet - but I think this novel is the best novel ever written by a New Zealander (let's qualify that by saying, of what I've read). I fully accept that not everyone would agree with me, but there it is. It is also, probably, among my top ten or twenty books ever.
Set at the beach during a New Zealand summer, starring a family that has been visited by three mysterious men, this is a book ostensibly written for teenagers which could rival most adults' novels in terms of skill. Mahy's writing style is just beautiful, and her plot imaginative, magical, intriguing; her characters so full-bodied it feels like you could reach out and touch them.

A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess
A lot of people love this book, I know. And I no less. It's so clever. I love Burgess' creativity with his language, Nadsat, and for some horrible reason I love his main character (hero? anti-hero?) who shouldn't be loved, and I love the questions this raises.

Almost Heaven: Travels through the Backwoods of America, by Martin Fletcher
This is a book by a British journalist who travelled around the USA stopping in any tiny, insignificant place he came across and coming across the most interesting people and things. For someone from a country half a world away, it makes for bizarre and fascinating reading, but it's not a mean "let's-mock-America-in-all-its-weirdness" kind of book. It's simply fascinating.

Vanity Fair, by William Makepeace Thackeray

This is probably my favourite classic novel, after Jane Austen's, and after Jane Eyre, or maybe equal with Jane Eyre. It's long - but it kept me engrossed easily. Thackeray's characters are interesting and flawed, he is an incredibly funny narrator, and there isn't an easy ending. His whole point is interesting:

This, dear friends and companions, is my amiable object – to walk with you through the Fair, to examine the shops and shows there; and that we should all come home after the flare, and the noise, and the gaiety, and be perfectly miserable in private.

The Resistible Rise of Arturo Ui, by Bertolt Brecht

One of the few plays I would actually read for enjoyment, and a play that I really, really want to see. In fact, have any of you seen it? What was it like?

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.

When I think "Russian literature", I think "huge". This, happily, is small. It's also a book that is a simply written, under-dramatic account of one day in the gulag for one insignificant man. Everything in it feels grey. There was nothing in it that stood out or begged attention, but for some reason I couldn't put it down. In fact, I finished it two minutes before we ate dinner, and after reading it, boiled potatoes tasted like the food of angels. It's that impacting a book.

The Screwtape Letters, by C. S. Lewis

An absolutely amazing book that must have taken quite some dedication to write. It's also one of those books that must be a book. No movie will ever manage to do justice to it; even an audiobook would fall short. Perhaps it's a mark of how true it rings that the demon Screwtape and the junior demon Wormwood can only be brought to life in our own minds, where we have heard them already.

Finally, The First World War, by Gerard J. De Groot

This was a set text for an undergraduate history paper I took in 2006, and one of the few history books I have ever read that was a pleasure to read. It seems wrong to say that, given that I am a history student, but I guess I could say this was an influential book for me, teaching me that history can be as alive as any novel if its scribe is any good.

I quote: As the Archduke passed by in his car, the first young assassin failed to get his revolver out of his pocket in time to get a clear shot. The second was spooked by the close proximity of a policeman, who would obviously have disapproved. The third lost his nerve when he saw the Duchess Sophie, sitting next to the Archduke. The fourth decided he was not cut out for the life of a terrorist and went home. The fifth threw his bomb, but missed. The sixth conspirator, Gavrilo Princip, heard the bomb, decided that the plot had succeeded, and sat down feeling smugly satisfied. He then saw the Archduke's car speed by and rued the passing of his heroic moment.
De Groot, as well as being a good writer, is very scholarly - it's not simply a popular picture book - and his conclusions are very interesting.

my Christmas wish list

I have been tagged by Heidi - well, to be absolutely honest, I tagged myself really, and informed her of it. Using the wonderful polyvore, I have created for myself a Christmas wish list:


- a new cellphone. The keys on my current one are slowly dying. Sometimes I have to take the battery out just to turn it off. A nice new one would be great.
- books, of course. I do have one in particular in mind, called The Fellow-Travellers, by David Caute, but I couldn't find a picture of it for polyvore. It's an incredibly well-written history book that I used heaps this year for my research and I would like to have my own copy of it.
- a pretty dress. Granted, I wouldn't particularly like someone to buy me a dress as a surprise, but maybe this can be my Christmas present to myself.
- a mirror. I will include here the pot plant too. In January I am moving out of home and going flatting for the first time. I have most of the main stuff I need or will get them, but it would be nice to get some of the less necessary homey stuff that make life more pleasant.
- some cool jewellery. Always a pleasure.
- Agatha Christie's Poirot (with David Suchet) DVD boxsets. I have season one, and enjoyed it so much. This is a beautifully filmed TV series with great plots and good acting and I want to get more of the seasons.
- Similarly, Friends DVD boxsets. One of the greatest TV shows of all time (in my opinion) and I want it!
- a camera. I already have a camera but it's a big bulky thing that is annoying to take to certain things, and it would be very useful to have a tiny camera like these Fuji Finepix ones that I could just slip into my pocket.

Hooray! It's ages since I have made myself a Christmas present list. When I was young I would have written one and handed it out a few months before Christmas (and my birthday), charming, unmaterialistic young thing that I was.

filling the nights

I am currently working nights - 11pm to 4am - and so I sleep from about 5am to 1pm every day, even when I'm not working, so that I don't exhaust myself completely. (It is currently 4:57 am in New Zealand.) This leaves a lot of space to be filled between around 9pm and 5am, hence, a lot of DVDs are being watched, and I have been compiling some utterly useless lists regarding male actors:

The actors that are not bad looking, even smoking hot, but undateable in real life simply because they have played some pretty convincing villains in their time

Cillian Murphy. After his creepy performance in Batman Begins (and I am sure he makes a wonderful villain in many other movies), he's just too villainous.

Andy Garcia. It's that mob look he's got going. Sizzling eyes but in a villainous sort of way.

Mads Mikkelson, of Casino Royale. This picture says a thousand words.

Mark Dymond, who played Captain Frederick Tilney in a recent version of Northanger Abbey. This photo doesn't quite capture the twisted smirk this actor pulled off when playing his womanising character. Actually, it's so convincing that even though he's drop dead gorgeous and plausibly successful with women in the movie that he becomes completely undateable.

David Anders, who played villain Julian Sark in the TV series Alias. (Isn't Sark a fantastic name for a villain?)

The actors who are just too beautiful to be dateable

Daniel Brühl, of movies like Goodbye Lenin, Ladies in Lavender, or Joyeux Noël. Good actor - too pretty.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers, of Bend it Like Beckham and the recent The Tudors TV series. I mean, seriously. Look at that photo. Is that ridiculous or is that ridiculous?

Jesse Metcalfe, of Desperate Housewives. Cute, but a little too perfectly so. This goes for a whole genre of Jesse Metcalfe-type actors.

Henry Cavill, of The Count of Monte Cristo, I Capture the Castle, et cetera. What an amazing bone structure, eyes, wistful look, everything - unfortunately, he would be a great statue, but doesn't seem dateable.

The actors that are just about right (and sometimes I can't explain why

James McAvoy. In a weird British way. It seems like everyone is drooling over him these days and it just seems so irrational because he looks nothing like a sex symbol should. He's got Something.

Humphrey Bogart. There are other classic film actors like Cary Grant or Christopher Plummer who make much more sense to have a crush on (and don't get me wrong, I think they're rather attractive) but Bogart, like James McAvoy, just has that Something that leaps off the screen at you and makes absolutely no sense.
Alan Rickman. Now, I don't understand the girls who have a crush on Snape. But Alan Rickman in every other role oozes Something.

Toby Stephens. I've always thought he was pretty great but his recent role as Mr Rochester in Jane Eyre blew me away. I'm not saying it was a perfect adaptation of the book, but on the screen Toby Stephens captured something of the attractiveness yet physical unattractiveness of Rochester that is so tangible in the book. He's a bit prettier than a Rochester really should be, but after a while I started believing him, that he was ugly, even though at the very same time I was falling in lurve.
Finally, and obviously, and probably uncontroversially - Daniel Craig. PHWOAR. Phwoar, phwoar, phwoar. Words are obviously failing me. What is it about him? Can anyone enlighten me? Before I saw Casino Royale, I was surprised that he was chosen as Bond because his face is almost ugly. Then I saw the movie, and all confusion dissolved. It is the only movie I have seen in years in which my jaw was literally dropping at how yummy he is. I am going to see Quantum of Solace tomorrow night and I can't wait!

time for a break

You know you need a holiday when:

1. You are getting through work faster than you thought, so you go and ask your supervisor for more.

2. In a lecture/seminar, you drift off and spend five minutes looking around the room wondering what animal each person would be. (The lecturer: a shaggy dog.)

3. You hear a history in-joke like "What? We don't have to look at primary sources at postgrad level, do we?" and fall about hysterically laughing.

4. On a similar vein, you start collecting historical insults: eg "I can see you haven't read Foucault."

5. You start fantasising about being able to ignore all other essays/seminars/assignments and just hunker down somewhere working on your thesis day-in, day-out.

things to do before I shuffle off this mortal coil

This is my list, inspired by Stacy's recent and wonderful one.

1. See the Northern Lights.

2. See a musical at West End, London. Preferably Les Miserables.

3. Ski on the advanced slope. This doesn't seem exactly major, I know, but I've only gone skiing once - crazy, since I live near the mountains - and I want to go again!

4. Take part in some sort of covert operation.

5. Do a Jane Austen pilgrimage in the UK.

6. Walk the Milford Track, Fiordland, New Zealand.

7. Ride a camel through the desert.

8. Learn how to play bagpipes.

9. See a volcano go up (preferably without getting killed).

10. See Shakespeare at the Globe. Preferably Othello or Macbeth.

11. Learn at least two languages other than English fluently.

12. Float in the Dead Sea.

13. Meet Bono, Edge, Adam and Larry. Discuss poetry. Be cool. Avoid hysterical meltdown consisting of "Oh. My. Gosh!"s.

14. Go to the Antarctic.

15. Swim with dolphins.

16. Be the first person to notice a spelling/grammar mistake in a major bestselling novel.

17. Have a baby.

18. Invent a chocolate that is good for your hips.

19. Go to the Metropolitan Opera in New York.

20. Find some natural hot springs somewhere in the wild in New Zealand and go for a dip.

21. Learn to dance.

22. Prove them wrong. Anyone.

23. Go to the British Museum and gain access to the non-public parts.

24. Work up the courage to hold one of these snakes in Bangkok. This is my sister-in-law and my niece about six years ago. I chickened out and took the photo instead of actually holding the snake. Always regretted it.

25. Take part in a major historical incident.

26. Have a "moment" across a crowded bar with someone famous, who afterwards talks about the mysterious girl they had a moment with across a crowded bar and who then disappeared forever. Preferably someone interesting/handsome.

27. Sit in a Parisian café wearing a beret discussing existentialism reading Waiting for Godot. I would say smoking a cigarette but there I draw the line.

28. Write a (good) novel.

29. Ride an elephant.

30. Go to an outdoor performance of Aida in Rome.

31. Have my own carrier pigeon.

32. Do a Sound of Music pilgrimage in Salzburg.

33. Go to Israel.

And that's about It, so far!

random

Rules to this tag/meme/thing:

1. You link back to the person who tagged you. Sara of Putting the Sara in Sarakastic. Sara, I have an important question for you. Do you pronounce your name Sah-ra or Sarah?

2. Post these rules on your blog.

3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.

4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry.

5. Let the tagged people know by leaving a comment on their blogs.

This picture was labelled "Random-Apophysis_PitcherPlant.jpg" which is a mystery to me, but I found it by entering "random" into Google Images. And it's pretty.

So:

1. Today I went on a field trip with the other honours students and the Head of Department to the city archives in the public library and the museum. Not much use to me because my honours thesis is nothing to do with New Zealand or Antarctic history, but I love field trips, and old books are cool!

2. Speaking of honours theses... I am going to be researching and writing about non-Russians who went to Stalin's Russia (ie North Americans or Europeans who moved there voluntarily, unfortunate people from Eastern Europe who were plucked from their homes and sent to the gulag, POWs of WWII, possibly Jews, etc) and their impressions. But I haven't got any further than that in identifying where I'm going with it.

3. I would like to pick up the clarinet again this year, or possibly the saxophone, or alternatively continue learning German. But it's not going to happen. Sigh.

4. I have not told anyone this but I have a stupid, stupid crush on a totally inappropriate person. And by inappropriate I mean in about five separate ways. Pshsbcakcbhduwi!!! (That was me making an incomprehensible groaning/snorting sound.) Sometimes I frustrate myself very much indeed.

5. I am 21 years old and already three of my friends are married, two more are engaged, and two friends have bought houses. At least no one is pregnant yet. This state of affairs seems strange to me but perhaps it is not unusual? Please, older and wiser people, tell me how things were back in the day when you were a sprightly 21 year old.

6. I am in love with drinking tea. I have sort of gone off coffee because of it, at least, very strong or milky coffee. Tea is much more subtle. My favourite is Dilmah's Ceylon Supreme, but I also like Earl Gray or English Breakfast or Peppermint tea. This is so weird because I never thought I would be a tea drinker. The best thing about our honours room is the kettle - I am saving so much money on drinks. And the best thing about tea is that I can drink it before I go to bed without staying up half the night.

I am not going to tag anyone. Because I am exhausted and lazy and I just want to go to bed, and I can't be bothered informing people I have tagged them. But please! don't let my bad attitude put you off doing this yourself.

a contradictory me

I like to consider myself a reasonable person but have begun noticing a whole lot of inconsistencies in me, which are:

1) I want to challenge myself and become a better, more interesting person by forcing myself to be outgoing and adventurous. However, the moment I get the chance to do so, I freak out entirely and the same old same old seems so much safer. Example: I recently came to the agonising decision that I wanted to look for a new church. Decision made, now is the time for action. Have I acted? N. O.

2) I want to travel everywhere but I love my home and I miss it and crave it whenever I go away for a significant period of time. Example: by the time I came to the end of my stay in Perth, I couldn't wait to get home and almost disliked Perth. Flies, ridiculous heat, no rain, not fitting in with all the Peroxide Barbie inhabitants. Now I'm home, and I have been for a couple of months, and I've started thinking about some of the nicer things in Perth that I will miss. Gelato ice cream at Cottesloe Beach, the Swan river, the Cottesloe tea shop, the great church I attended there, not least my niece Ruby.

3) I want to travel here (Iceland):
just as much as I want to travel here (Dead Vlei, Namibia):

4) I miss having all my brothers and sisters around... but I really love not having to fight for the shower, or who gets to finish the Whittakers Hazelnut chocolate, or what TV show I'll watch.

5) My Big Dream is to be an author, but it's scary and hard work and sometimes I wonder if I believe in myself enough. I think I do - but I want to be convinced of it when I already am convinced of it.

6) This year I'll be doing Honours for History at uni. I am so glad to be leaving English behind me - the essays I write because I know they'll get me good marks, not because I believe them; the lecturers who think they are so superior to the rest of the population (not all the lecturers, I hasten to point out); and especially the constant snarky little comments about Christians or God by either the lecturers or the other students. All the same, I'll miss not being kept constantly on my toes. There's something invigorating about not-quite-persecution.

7) I want to earn money and spend money and save money and give away money - but I don't want to work. At all. I start again this week and am not looking forward to it.

Anyone else?