i hate exams

Now that my lovely blob weekend is over, I'm having trouble getting into study--how surprising. It is SO boring. The problem is that my first exam, which is in about nine days, is going to be a complete nightmare - eight essays, two of which will be quite in-depth, and no hints on topics, which means we have to study the whole blimming topic and not just skim over it (American History). The exam for Shakespeare will be much better, I think, but that's scary too because I haven't read Henry V yet, and I keep putting it off. It's a bit odd how the more I panic about something, the more I ignore doing the preparation for it. I guess I don't want to admit how much work I have to do, because then I'd have to actually DO it. :)

Two of my sisters emailed me yesterday asking me how I was, what with Mum and everything. One even offered to fly me up to Auckland after exams for a bit of a holiday with her, and her husband. I'm actually fine, I think, but I really appreciated that they emailed me. I love my family. Can't wait for Christmas, when they're almost all coming back, and the only one who isn't is visiting in November.

My school friends and I had another prayer meeting last night, at Marielle's house. We've started having one every Monday. They're so fantastic, calming, etc... also means we get to see each other outside of birthday parties, and we hear everything that's going on, which is very nice. But it was just so great praying with everyone-- encouraging, peaceful, all that stuff... It's after times like that when I really don't get why some people don't think they could ever become Christians - you know, the type of people who go, "well, it's great you've found something to live for, and you've found your truth, but it's just not for me." Tosh. (Tosh is a great word!) It's for everyone. That's the coolest part. Or one of the coolest parts. Anyway, I just don't think people realise the contradictions they live under. The idea that truth is not absolute, that anything you believe is a truth is the scariest idea. And as soon as someone robs them or rapes their daughter, they're shouting for justice. It doesn't make sense, they say things because they like the sound of them, and then, at the times when they are being most true to themselves, they contradict things they've previously said. I also think karma is a scary thing. Sure, I believe that when someone does something, good or bad, they will generally get some sort of compensation or punishment for it, eventually. However, the reasoning that this is entirely a good thing escapes me. You've got to be entirely convinced of your own perfection to believe that and think it's a good thing... and I am so not perfect. I wonder if I wasn't under grace, what things would come round to me in the future? I shudder to think of it. Eugh. That's why I love the U2 song called Grace. She travels outside of karma ... grace makes beauty out of ugly things ... I love those words.

Another U2 song I love that I've only discovered recently... Wake Up Dead Man. And Running to Stand Still, and 40, and that one on The Joshua Tree whose name I can't remember right now that talks about the hands of love. :) Whenever I ask myself what U2 song I like the best, I can't quite decide. It's different with Jane Austen, Persuasion is definitely my favourite novel of hers, although obviously I love all the others. But I think if I had to choose five or so U2 songs, they'd probably be: All I Want Is You, Desire, One, Bad and In A Little While (yup, the slow ones mostly, I'm sorry to say!). The only song that I would be REALLY disappointed not to see live in concert is Where the Streets Have No Name. But once I've chosen those five favourites, all the others kind of blur. If I think of one over another, I feel guilty. There's ones like Pride that I just think are so classic, so amazing musically, so different. That chorus is just so different to anything else that's around, in its chords and its majorness and everything... if that's understandable. Then I think about the less famous ones like Numb or Discotheque that are just so cool. They're so surprising, they sneak up on you before you realise how cool they are. I love the Rattle and Hum movie. Apparently a lot of people hated it, the band included, but I love it a lot because it's so cool to see U2 back in the day when they weren't quite yet this fully established, mega-band that I've only recently come to love. I had only seen the Elevation tour on DVD before I saw Rattle and Hum. The energy's still there now, but I think having seen something of them in the 80's, I can now understand them a bit better now. Especially Adam.

Anyway I'm going to stop waffling and go and do some study. Sigh. I read in the Bono on Bono book, this weekend, that Bono was going to do an English and History degree like me, but got kicked out of uni for some reason two weeks into the course. So I guess I'd better take advantage of my education... :) I feel responsible.