advertisements

Perhaps I just need to get out more. Every time I've watched TV over the last week or so, I've been mentally summing up the message of each advert in one sentence, an exercise that may sound a bit lame but made me laugh, for one.

My sister started me off with this one: "If you use Solagard solar heating, cute little frogs will come and live in your bathroom."

Schick Quattro razors for men: "Whenever you use this razor, women will fall off treadmills."

My favourite so far was advertised on the rural Australian channel while I was in the countryside, for Statewide Steel. Basically, "at Statewide Steel, we employ hot girls wearing next to nothing, because steel is sexy and manly".

V50 shampoo: "Bad hair is just as much a medical emergency as a coma or heart attack."

Lamb: "If you can only find a partner who loves eating lamb as much as you do, you will live happily ever after."

Sleepyhead beds: "If you wake up in the morning looking fresh, well-rested and fabulous, immediately go and purchase a new Sleepyhead bed."

Particularly sentimental ads in New Zealand tend to come from insurance companies, such as State: "Buying insurance at State means you will have a very long, fulfilled and balanced life."
or AMI: "At AMI, we are responsible for every smile that passes from one person to another in New Zealand."

Special K breakfast cereal: "If you are one of those annoying freaks who must needs take part in every health food fad, we are the cereal for you."
or...
"If you eat Special K [and exercise and diet and have lipo] you could lose 1kg every week! Miraculous!"

Telecom Broadband: "If you don't get your children highspeed broadband internet with Telecom, you are failing them in their educational needs, and they will never get to university."

Well, I'm sure you've got the picture after that and have seen basically the same ads for many different products, many different times. What else do the ads on your television channels tell you?