help!

... or, in this case, Allie needs YOU. [See poll on the right hand side of webpage.]

Despite having had two of the most horrible weeks yet this year (feeling completely overworked, as well as dealing with family worries, annoying people whom I have to persuade to work together, and sickness), a persistent problem has been ringing in my head.

What am I going to do next year?

It's not just that. It's more like, What am I going to do with my future?

Here are the options. I could:

a) do a Masters (in History, of course). This has the bonus that I am almost definitely, barring death/destruction, intending to do a masters degree in History sometime in the next five years. A Masters will give me much more of an edge if I end up wanting to get into a government department such as Foreign Affairs. And I just really want to do one! I love History!

On the other hand, if I do a Masters next year, I will be pretty much limited to studying something in the English-speaking world. I'm doing Russian history at the moment; it's okay not to know Russian at Honours level, but at Masters and beyond, it's a must to be able to understand the language of the society you're looking at.

But if I'm simply doing a Masters to give me a edge in careers outside History, there's not a whole lot of point in spending all that time on a language just so I can do a Masters in it.

b) go to Russia. Teach English for a living and try and immerse myself in Russian. Bonuses: an adventure! And useful for my History in the long run.

On the other hand: scary, and apparently not an easy destination. Culture shock, et al. As above, unnecessary if I'm not going forward with History as a career.

c) go to France. Teach English in French high schools and immerse myself in French. Bonuses: a very easy way to travel, and good for furthering my French language skills. A good gap year experience.

On the other hand: Unnecessary for History. Of course, learning another language is never pointless - still, this would be simply a gap year and nothing more.

d) do some other thing that hasn't occurred to me yet (suggestions welcomed).

Basically, it comes down to this: Do I want to do a PhD in History? Do I want to go on to be a historian? If so, I'm going to Russia next year. If not... I don't know.

Help me! Make up my mind for me by voting on my poll!

Oh, and by the way: family worries culminated in a new nephew on Friday night. :) He's called Daniel and he was very, very stubborn about the eviction date.

growing up

You Are Somewhat Mature

You definitely act like an adult sometimes, but a big part of you is still a kid at heart. While your immature side is definitely fun, you're going to have to grow up sooner or later.

Are You Immature?

When I was at school, I always felt a little older intellectually than most people in my class or year group. Especially boys - and I don't think that's uncommon at all!

Once I got to uni, however... for the last three years I've always felt a little behind where others are on most of the obvious levels. Let's say that practically I feel inexperienced. I haven't really had any serious relationships, up until this year I hated alcohol and would have no idea how to order myself a beer at a pub, I live at home with my father, I don't own a car, I came to uni straight from school whereas a lot of people in my classes spent a year abroad or doing other things first. So on and so forth.

Maybe these are all slightly superficial but it did make me feel different to most of the people around me at university. And I found it very strange if anyone ever called me a "woman" because I felt like I was hardly out of school. "Girl" was the more appropriate term.

This year, though - I think this is the first year I am beginning to feel like an adult. Not a lot of those obvious things have changed. I still live with my dad - but when I hear how huge the student loans are of my classmates who have flatted since they started uni, I really don't feel embarrassed. I still don't own a car. I am still almost completely inexperienced in lurve. (I write "lurve" because I'm still so immature it feels silly to write "love".) But this doesn't seem to matter so much now. I have good reasons for living at home; it's not just because I want to skive off my dad. I have good reasons for not buying a car; what would be the point if next year I left New Zealand? I think I know myself well enough now to not really care what other people might see in my circumstances, and I wonder if this is the beginning of maturity.

I still feel young. When I hear about an old school friend who is thinking about buying a house or a business, it still freaks me out. I still find it incredibly surprising that so many of my peers are getting married or having kids. But I don't feel like an awkward teenager anymore and I feel like I can make my own rules now. If you know what I mean. I can think about things like PhDs or careers without flipping out (almost). I've got a lot more growing up to do. But I'm starting to think that perhaps I won't be an awkward kid forever.

wish me luck

Last week I started working again - I'm an ESL teacher at a language school that deals especially with Korean children, but I've been away from work for the last six months because of my overseas adventure. Last week I started with two boys aged thirteen and fourteen, who have reasonably okay English. The elder has been here four years so he understands a lot. And I was surprised to find myself really enjoying it, because I had dreaded going back to work.

This week, though... my boss asked me to take on another couple of hours on Thursdays, and before I heard anything about it, I agreed - then found out it would be with two small children, aged five or six, who only speak very simple English and can't really read or write yet. *screeeeeech* As you can probably tell from my blog, I find it hard to say things simply. I love teaching English from a technical point of view, but I have to be able to explain stuff, and mostly I've taught kids who are aged ten and up. In this lesson I will have to somehow fill two hours with "Cat. Caaaaaaatttttt. C. A. T. Cat." Okay, so my boss has given me a few more ideas than that, and a few resources to help me with this, and I am also armed with a game of Memory in case I really lose it. But I am so nervous. I told my boss I'd prefer to go into this on the understanding that if I really couldn't handle it I could pull out after a couple of weeks. But I'd rather not look wimpy and incompetent. Wish me luck!

UPDATE (22 Feb): So I've done it. And it was difficult. I won't be so terrified about it in future, but I think the two hours I spend with these kids every week is going to be hard work. Their spoken English is worse than I thought it would be so it makes it very hard to communicate certain things to them. They're both rather bouncy, as indeed most five or six year olds are, but the little boy is just a little too bouncy to stay tuned for two whole hours, even one. Oh well. Some of the teachers at school have to have about eight kids at once. I'm lucky. And the nice thing is that another teacher takes them on Tuesdays, so I can chat to him about what works or doesn't work with them.

The Coolest Job Ever

My sister has just found me what is officially The Coolest Job Ever!!! (Except for being a tyrannical dictator, of course.) If only I were in New Zealand and free to take it up. Feel free, any other grammar geek readers, to emigrate to Aotearoa and compete for this stellar job.

Seriously, I love that there are actually jobs out there that I would never think, gee, I'd love to be a captioning producer, but which would suit me down to a T. (Except for the fast touch-typing bit but I could fludge my way through that bit I think.)

If you were one of those who prayed for the woman I mentioned on my God is Nice blog, I've posted an update on there.