bureaucracy is oppressive

I would like to add some more rules to my imminent tyrannical dictatorship.

1) Anyone who has at any time devised policy for Studylink, that oppressor of the hard-working student-proletariat, is off to the gulag. As soon as I am in power, a task force will immediately investigate the farce that is my student allowance woes of the last week. Those who forgot to tell me that I needed to prove my income, those who gave me a day to make my boss write me a letter, those who then ignored the letter and didn't pay me my money - they're all off to the gulag, for obviously trying to subvert the course of the revolution.

2) Small children who don't pay attention to their tutors will spend an hour every day copying out the words, "I must treat my tutor as I would treat the supreme leader of this great and glorious nation."

Thank you.

a series of little things

Firstly, today I met someone I used to go to school with who made me immediately want to make a list of some of the weird people I've met. Hopefully not in a mean way. Simply people who did slightly odd things.

Of course, he will come first. He somehow managed to be one of the cool guys at school, because he was always doing things like lighting the sink in one of the science labs on fire, or running around trying to wave dissected rats in the faces of squeamish girls (or boys), or making fart noises with his armpits. The incident I will always remember, however, was when he came to school one day with a broken arm in a sling. When we asked him how he did it, it turned out he was sleeping on the driveway and his mum drove over his arm.

Seriously.

Why?!?!?

Another weird thing that happened a few months ago - my friend Sarah and I were sitting in the sun at uni when a young Japanese male came up to Sarah, ignoring me completely, and sat down, telling her he loved her and wanted to be her friend. Sarah is very small and blonde and blue-eyed, while I am darker and tend to clump around - so I could have been offended but actually it was more funny than friendship-destroying. He ripped a few daisies out of the ground, and gave them to her as if he'd bought a $50 bouquet of red roses, saying, simply, "For you! A token of my love." Then he proceeded to ask her why she couldn't go to a party with him that evening, or see him the next day, or the next, to tell her he wanted to find the love of his life, to ask how to meet Kiwi girls, etc etc etc. He wouldn't give up! It was very weird! Soon we found out that he was returning to Japan in three days, so I'm not exactly sure what he wanted out of the 'love of his life'. Maybe he'd heard Kiwi girls are easy or something, as long as you profess eternal love for them. Finally she repulsed him, and recommended he look for Kiwi girls in front of the library where a lot of people sit, and we watched him making his way over to the next poor victim who sat reading in the sun.

Secondly, has anyone seen the secret on PostSecret this week where someone admits that they are afraid Jesus will return before they get to read the last Harry Potter book? I thoroughly identify with that person. That's my kind of secret.

Thirdly, on JenKneeBee's prompting, I went and played MASH on this site. What fun! My friends went through a craze of making up really dire possibilities for this game in high school. No, we never really grew up. These are my results which I thought quite amusing:

You will live in a Shack.

You will drive a Red Toyota Starlet.

You will marry Voldemort and have 20 kids.

You will be a Street sweeper in Chechnya.

And lastly, I have a new sponsored child. His name is Okwenye and he is thirteen and from Uganda.

phew

Well, now I feel like I overreacted somewhat last night. It was one of those days where all these little/medium bad things happened, one after another, and it seemed like that was just going to be the crowning incident. Thank you to those who did pray, and I am still praying for him - but what has happened is that Isaac's family have moved out of the district for better job opportunities, without leaving contact address etc. So it is really a very good thing that they felt secure enough to do this, and I'm happy that the sponsorship helped them get to this point, although I'm quite sad I won't get to send and receive letters from Isaac anymore.

Isn't this a pretty little bird?

request

Just very quickly: I have a small sponsored child of six years of age, whose name is Isaac. He lives in northern Uganda, which has been going through a period of a lot of violence and unrest. I got home this evening to find a message from my dad that CCF have been trying to get in touch with me - something to do with him.

This could be because:

Best-case scenario - his family has had a change in fortune and he doesn't need sponsorship anymore.

Not-so-great scenario - he's sick and needs money for medicine.

Worst-case - he's dead.

Obviously, whatever it is, it's already happened, and I don't know if there can be such a thing as retroactive prayer - but I would really appreciate it if anyone willing could throw up a prayer sometime soon for Isaac. He's a really sweet little boy and I don't want anything to happen to him.

charlie chaplin, grades, and deadlines

I have been so lacking in anything to write about lately that I'm going to write a post about what is happening at university and in my unthrilling life. That really shows I'm desperate.

1) Today we watched the Charlie Chaplin movie 'The Great Dictator' in my drama class. We've been reading Brecht plays, which were also thinly veiled critiques of Nazism, although set in different eras and countries. This was such a cool movie. Half the time I was cracking up, the other feeling sombre. A weird combination really, but it worked. Has anyone else seen it? I love the plays too. Has anyone seen a Brecht play? I will be very jealous of you if so.

2) I felt a bit depressed today because I got an A- on my last history essay and my history teacher said he was disappointed because he had come to expect essays of the highest standard from me. :( Although that was almost a compliment, it made me feel annoyed with myself, especially as all his comments about how it could have been better really made sense!

But then my friend texted me; she handed in a close reading exercise for her English class, and got a C-, because, apparently, her grammar is 'unreadable'! I read it yesterday, and it was definitely not unreadable. Anyway, you don't fail people because they make a few grammar mistakes. It so happens that this particular lecturer gave out feedback sheets at the start of the year, my friend said she didn't like the structure of the lectures, and the lecturer got very offended, despite the fact that she asked for honest feedback. So it looks very much as if the lecturer has decided she has a bone to pick with my friend. I didn't think that happened except at ... I don't know, other universities, in other countries!

So I am feeling a lot more grateful that I have a lecturer who gives me fair grades.

3) I handed in two essays yesterday that I spent my whole mid-semester break working on. Now I've realised my next history essay is due in three weeks so I have to start straightaway, especially as now I have to ace it to make up for my slightly disappointing mark! It's two months until I finish... I will just have to put my nose to the grindstone and work, even though I just don't feel like it.

4) My friend Sarah and I had a really, really good friend at school who moved to another city when I was fifteen and I haven't seen her since then, since we basically dropped off each other's radar. Well, she has moved down to Christchurch again, and we are all going to meet up for coffee sometime in the next few weeks! Very exciting but also scary. She was always absolutely gorgeous and now she'll probably be all cool and model-like, compared to how we were at high school - wavering on the fringe of nerdy.

If you have read all this, I will be very impressed.

secret shames

If I were a celebrity, and I was on the cover of magazines with headlines like "Allie's Anguish" or "Allie's Secret Shame", I wonder what they would say about me? That my marriage to Colin Firth was doomed to failure? (Lies! All lies!) That "friends" said I was going to turn into a walking skeleton if I wasn't careful, because of all the media attention and stress? (I wish!) That I had a secret fetish for dwarves? (I actually have no idea where that sentence came from.) Well - Tabloid Editors - I'm going to make it easy for you. These are the things that I don't generally tell people about. I can find it in me to announce them on the internet because, to be brutally honest, I don't have to see any of my readers on a day-to-day basis!

I bought a book called Georgette Heyer's Regency World, by Jennifer Kloester, from Borders last week - for $60! (That's about... US$35-40, I'd guess?) And I'm supposed to be saving money! It is just so cool! It is about all the background to Georgette Heyer novels. It tells me that a conservatory was the perfect place for marriage proposals, what terms such as 'nabob' and 'dandy' mean and how they originated, what card games were popular, how snuff was made and where it was sold, about the hierarchies within the peerage and even within the domestic staff of a great house, what one did at Vauxhall Gardens, and so on and so forth. The author did her PhD on Georgette Heyer books! I'm telling the truth when I say that this book makes me salivate. It's the sort of book that one just cannot justify buying, and unless someone is a Georgette Heyer or Jane Austen fan, they just could not understand the thrill of reading it. I have told no one but one of my sisters. Until now.

Christina Aguilera was one of those singers that everyone else loved, when I was thirteen or fourteen, and that I swore I would always despise. I mean, for crying out loud, she thought the three most beautiful words in the English language were: "Come on over". Hmmm.
It is disturbing me no end now, however, that I am actually really enjoying the last few singles she's brought out: 'Candyman' and the other one whose name I forget. I am even thinking about buying the album. I have not told anyone until now. I just think that her latest music is so fun. I'm a bit sick of songs about cancer, or what goes through the minds of killers, or about women whose husbands are beating them. That sounds super-heartless, I know, but there is a point at which I just want to listen to funky, young music that's just happy! Such as Gwen Stefani or people like that. It's embarrassing, though.


I can't believe I'm even telling you this one. The Sims. So I don't play it as much as I used to, but if I ever do, it has the tendency to become compulsive. Computer games seem such a 12-year-old thing to do. I even lied when I bought it about four years ago, telling the cute shop assistant that it was for "a friend". I guess ever since childhood I have enjoyed creating little universes, whether they be with Playmobil, Littlest Petshop, Polly Pocket, or... The Sims. (I keep italicising it because it seems so embarrassing and dire. If I could, when you read the words you would hear menacing music.) I actually have no idea how to justify this one. Oh! the shame.


This one isn't quite so guilty, I guess, as I'm perfectly happy to tell people I'm a huge fan of Agatha Christie (who, in this photo, looks a lot like the Queen Mother - does anyone agree?). But I think most people would be a little surprised if they knew how many Christie mysteries I read. I also get hold of them, and then can't bear to put them down, so I often find myself finishing a good old satisfying Agatha Christie novel at about 3 o'clock in the morning. I read them to my ESL students for listening practice. I'm finding it extremely depressing to think that at some point in the near future I will have read every single Christie novel there is. I have a whole shelf in my bookcase of them... and I've been reading them for less than a year. Eek! I'm telling you, I would do a PhD on Agatha Christie if someone would fund it *endearing smile to any readers out there who may be slightly eccentric and rich* and if I could avoid telling other students who do PhDs on Real Literature.

So those are my guilty secrets. What are yours? (Come on, I told you mine...)

answers from the cosmos

I have decided to repeat today a meme which I did last year, tagged by Patty of Green Tea Obsession, simply because it was rather fun, in the manner of fortune cookies or those paper things you used to fold and write things on as a kid to tell your future, and I'm interested to see what results I'll get this time!

The Rules: Go to your music player of choice & put it on shuffle. The song which pops up when you press play is the answer to that question!

1. How does the world see me? Miss Sarajevo - U2

Is that a compliment... or not?

2. Will I have a happy life? If I Could - Jack Johnson

Hmm... another answer that doesn't sound so great.

3. What do my friends think of me? Sounding Brass - Flanders and Swann

:) I guess I need to stop bragging.

4. Do I have a secret admirer? Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2

This is one of the answers that I'm just not too sure if the cosmos heard me properly. Maybe it thought I said, 'do I have a secret shame' or something.

5. How can I make myself happy? Faithful - Brooke Fraser

That makes sense.

6. What should I do with my life? A Thing Called Love - Johnny Cash

Awww... that's nice.

7. Will I ever have children? Surely he hath borne our griefs - from Handel's Messiah

Hahaha! I laughed so hard at this.

8. What is some good advice for me? Stoppin' the Love - KT Tunstall

Hey! Hang on a minute! I thought the cosmos told me two answers ago that I had to spend my life starting the love!

9. What do I think my current theme song is? So Much 2 Say - Take 6

Hmm. I think the cosmos is getting a bit rusty. Actually I haven't had much to say at all over the last few days, evidenced by my lack of blogging except for tags that I've done before!

10. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Better - Regina Spektor

Sure hope so.

11. What song will play at my funeral? Vertigo - U2

This seems to be decidedly inappropriate for a funeral... but who am I to question the wisdom of the cosmos?

12. How will I be remembered? Smile - Lily Allen

That's rather nice.

13. What type of men do I like? Kiss from a Rose - Seal

We-ell. I hope that doesn't mean I'm going to fall in love with a pretty, SNAGish boy.

14. What is my day going to be like? Entertaining Angels - Newsboys

Suits me just fine.

Well, there you have it. I tag anyone who wants to do it who has access to a music player that you can shuffle.

This was going to be a ranting post (I'm on holiday, technically, but I have to write two essays by the thirtieth that I am having huge trouble motivating myself for, so whenever I'm awake I'm either doing homework, or feeling bad because I'm not doing homework. And my conscience, or perhaps those angels I'm entertaining, is pressuring me to do something I really don't want to do but know I have to. And the zip on my favourite pair of jeans, which I paid $20 to have repaired three weeks ago, has broken again). But then I realised that I have absolutely no right to rant about anything at the moment, given all the good things in my life. (Just noticed that somehow I managed to do it anyway. Ignore it, please.) Things I am thankful for right now:

- not being shot by a crazed gunman

- the chance to study and get a degree, which probably puts me in about the most privileged 1% in the world

- close family and friends

- music

- the chance to travel

brooke fraser

Me and Sarah.Brooke Fraser playing. I apologise for the picture quality; my camera sucks when I'm not allowed to use a flash indoors.

Last night I took my friend Sarah out for dinner and to the Brooke Fraser concert as a twenty-first birthday present. You may remember Brooke Fraser from two blog posts ago, in which I gave her four stars for her latest album. I think, having seen her live, I could safely take it up to four and a half stars, just because: she is so cool!! One example of why - Brooke has a passion for punctuation. It's not often someone introduces a song saying, "I love punctuation. And I particularly love this song because I got to use punctuation in the title - 'Love comma where is your fire question mark'." She also has the most amazing voice; it was just as faultless and rich live as it is on the CD. The music and the lights and the stage set and everything were perfectly done. All in all it was a fantastic concert; we left it on such a high, and my friend told me it was the best birthday present ever, so that was nice!

Sadly enough, I had bought some cool new clothes to wear to it, but realised, when I put them on, that it is still not cold enough to wear merino wool. Isn't that sad? Not on a par with human poverty and natural disasters, obviously, but in a mildly disgruntling way. (Is disgruntling a word?)

And today... I have to start working on some essays. Groooaaaan.

health professionals and my family

I went to my sister's house for dinner last night and we had a conversation over the dinner table about our family's run-ins with medical professionals. Here's a few:

1) My sister's dentist told her that her teeth would "see her out". Perhaps he meant this as a compliment, as only dentists can, but to me it conjures up visions of the person doing the autopsy looking down gravely at the corpse, shaking his head, and saying, "Well, she was bludgeoned to death with a sledgehammer, but at least her teeth saw her out."

2) When the same sister gave birth to her second child, the attending doctor was a man who had gone through school with her, from ages five to eighteen. Nightmare Scenario #1 - how very awkward. At least, though, as a friend said, he wasn't an ex-boyfriend.

3) My father was operated on for a hernia by a surgeon he had taught at school, in chemistry. This is more nice than weird, in a karma-type way, as the same doctor told my mother that Dad taught him everything he had ever learnt about science.

Looking back and reading this over, I've discovered this is a very random post. But I'll push the "publish" button anyway, for lack of a better one. Has anyone else had strange/nice encounters with medical professionals?

my stereo is playing...

Up until a few months ago, I hadn't bought any CDs for ages. Instead, I had been eyeing them in shop windows longingly and covetously. I decided that I was not going to buy any until I was absolutely sure they would be good'uns, and really did not have the money to buy them even if that was the case. However... *feels guilty* Over the last few months I have bought several CDs! And I have decided to review them on here just in case anyone else was looking at them longingly too.

Gnarls Barkley's St Elsewhere - no, it's not very recent, but it was one of those albums I looked at for a long time, wondering if I should get it. The first single 'Crazy' was great, but I wasn't too sure about buying an album on the basis of that single. Finally when 'Gone Daddy Gone' came out I decided it was worth it. I was wrong. I still love those singles but every other song on the album seems like a cop-out in comparison. The only one that was musically interesting to me ('The Boogie Monster') just grossed me out - the first line being "I've got a monster in my trousers". Hmmm. That's right. Two stars from me. The singles are great but as a whole, the album doesn't satisfy and just makes me feel like they tricked me to get my money.

Lily Allen's Alright, Still. Not recent either. This is a really fun album with funny and clever lyrics, and pretty cool music. Some of it isn't that memorable but on the whole the album is very good and she has particularly good melodies. 'Alfie' is probably the best single released; it sounds like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory paired with juvenile delinquents. Very funny. It was also the single that made me decide to get the album. Another song on the album, 'Littlest Things', wasn't released, but is one of her best, in my opinion. It's a sweet and original take on the nostalgic breaking-up song. I was disappointed, though, that one of her singles wasn't on the album. It was about her granny, and it was hilarious. I'm not sure why it wasn't there - perhaps she didn't want to offend her granny or something?! It seems a bit odd and misleading to release it as a single, though, and then not include it on the album. Overall, Lily Allen has got a great accent and a nice doesn't-take-herself-too-seriously attitude - so she gets three and a half stars.

Brooke Fraser's Albertine is a more recent buy. She is a New Zealander who has done pretty well here and in Australia, but I'm not too sure what her prospects are in the States at the moment. She's a Christian singer and makes it pretty obvious, but at the same time its more implicit than overt, so she's done very well on the mainstream charts here and is fondly referred to as Brookie most of the time. It's the sort of album that could be characterised as easy listening, which doesn't often go down too well with me, but I really love this one. She's also got a beautiful voice. Whenever I have gotten overly stressed in the last few weeks, I've listened to the second single 'Shadowfeet' before I go to bed, and it has helped my sleeping no end. 'Albertine' stands out in the album; it was written about an orphan she met in Rwanda whose mother died for her during the genocide. As well as being about an amazing subject, it's also great music. 'C. S. Lewis Song' is another great one. I was sure to like it as it's dedicated to someone who I admire so much but again, I don't think I'm being too biased in saying it's a fantastic song. Overall, it's a great album, and I'm very satisfied with my purchase, but at the same time some of the lyrics tend to be a little laboured and there isn't a huge amount of variation in style. Four stars from me. I'm shouting my friend tickets for her 21st birthday to Brooke's concert in Christchurch on April 15, and I can't wait.
Regina Spektor's Begin to Hope. I bought this today! I had only heard the first single, 'Fidelity', which is just wicked, but I had intended to wait until I heard more. However, I listened to some in the CD shop, and made a spur of the moment decision to get it. I am so happy I did. I have only listened to it once through, but every song is unbelievably good. I can't believe how varied this album is. It's like she's influenced by jazz, rock, the blues, Russian piano music by composers like Rachmaninov (of whom I strongly approve) and more and more. Some songs she's like this sweet innocent little girl, and others, completely different. She doesn't just sing them, either - she interprets them. Every one of the songs stood out to me, but if I had to choose some of the best, I would point to 'Fidelity' (obviously - until they play it too many times on the radio), 'Samson', 'Apres Moi', 'That Time' and '20 Years of Snow'. This is the best album I've bought in years. I think anyone would enjoy it. Five stars.

More albums I'm lusting after at the moment: The Killers' Sam's Town and Silverchair's new release, Young Modern. If anyone has got either of these, or any other albums they just feel they have to recommend to the whole world, please let me know!

Quick change of topic: my dad has just planted a brand of spinach called 'Perpetual' in our garden. Does anyone else think Perpetual Spinach is a very funny name, and sounds like a horrible land in an Enid Blyton or Roald Dahl book? The Land of Perpetual Spinach, where all naughty children go.

rugby is overrated

I picked up yesterday's newspaper this morning and spent about three minutes groaning in agony at the latest act of stupidity of sportsmen. So - the Rugby World Cup is going to be hosted by New Zealand in 2011. Rugby is apparently our national game - I have to admit it is a lot more interesting to watch than cricket, at the very least, and has lots of buff specimens of men running round in hot black uniforms - but the obsessive lengths some go to regarding rugby makes me want to tear my hair out. Who really cares that much?! Not me, at least.

So when the Press's front page article talked about the new rugby laws created for the World Cup, I just wanted to give the politicians a kick up the backside. New Zealand now has an official Rugby World Cup Minister in Cabinet. Oh yeah, we're a real serious country of high importance in the global community. There are now laws banning streaking and pitch invasion. If you streak at a World Cup match, you could go to prison for three months or pay up to $5000. What is the world coming to?! It's not like rugby is that interesting all on its own! The government is also considering changing our Daylight Saving changeover dates, which usually coincide with the World Cup, because poor little foreigners might get confused.

Ugh. 2011 is not looking at all promising.

[By the way, this is a picture of my father by the Bealey River.]

keas and rain

A few weeks ago Dad put a notice in our church newsletter that he wanted to do a daytrip to Arthur's Pass (about two and a half hours away, in the mountains) on Easter Saturday and anyone who wanted to come too was very welcome. Obviously, today was the day, and Dad and I went, along with about twelve other people from our church. It was rainy and cold in the mountains, but it was worse in Christchurch, so we decided to go anyway - and it was worth it! I love Arthur's Pass. I have spent so many weekends and holidays there - I've probably been about once a year at least, all my life, but it never gets boring.

One of the cool things we did was drive up to the view over the ominously-named Death's Corner where the road winds down Otira Gorge to the West Coast. There were about four keas there when we got there. Keas are the coolest birds. They are mountain parrots, the biggest in the world, and super-cheeky. You don't want to leave your car unattended for too long when keas are around or they will pull all the insulating rubber out of the windows, etc etc, with their wicked beaks. They are totally unfazed by humans, and as you can see, have the most beautiful underwings. At one point we were absolutely splitting our sides as a kea landed on a car that was pulling out of the carpark, about to drive down the Viaduct, and soared off on top of it. When the driver realised what was going on thirty seconds later, the car screeched to a halt, and they jumped out, trying to scare it away, but it just sat there looking completely bored. Yeah, you had to be there, I suppose. But it was hilarious.

my numerous and complex needs

Stacy has tagged me with this great meme - all you have to do is type your name + 'needs' into google, and suddenly all your priorities become clear! Fun fun fun.

- Allie needs to walk through a greenhouse full of fragrant flowers.

Naturally.

- Allie needs a lot of personal attention to make her feel more secure, so that she won't feel she has to bully the other cats to establish her place in the household.

That's right. Purrrrrrr.

- What a surprise when the frog shows up again, just when Allie needs it.

I will keep that in mind in the future.

- Allie needs to be slapped so bad, and I'm just the gal to do it.

Uh-oh... I must think fast - who have I offended?

- Wackie-Allie needs to check herself into a mental institution she sounds like she would stalk a man to make a baby.

You know it.

- allie needs to feel the vibrations.

.... I'm not quite sure what to make of this.

- Playing with ghosts can be dangerous, so Allie needs all her detective skills.

That's right! I'm a real detective, in the manner of Father Brown, Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple!

- Allie needs help getting her pants off.

No comment.

It was surprising to find ones that were actually true:

- allie NEEDS that caffene!!!

- allie needs a haircut

Complementary needs:

- allie needs a boyfriend

- allie needs to be wit ME. ... allie can be with me if she wants to.

I daresay, but it would be helpful to know who you are!

Last but not least and probably the most apt:

- Lord knows Allie needs her Jesus. On that note, happy Easter, everyone. [I love being a day ahead of all of you!]

I tag JenKneeBee and Layling :)

exclusive exclusive

LEstes65 (of Tourette's Mom) has been so kind as to write me a fantastic selection of interview questions (if you want to see her own interview, look here)! So here goes:

1. Here's a two parter: Which character in 'A Room With A View' represents you most and which one represents the way you wish you were?
Wow. That is a fantastic question. The second part is the more obvious to me - Lucy Honeychurch, of course. She's just cool and gorgeous and she plays the piano incredibly well. I want to be the sort of piano player that provokes comments like the Reverend Mr Eager's, that he wished I lived as I played! It wouldn't hurt to live in a beautiful sprawling house in the English countryside, either, or to have a fun brother and an enchanted lake.
As for the first part, I have the cast list from 'A Room With A View' in front of me. I've been scanning it in hopes of finding someone more like myself, but I very much fear that the closest I can come to finding such a character is - Charlotte Bartlett. *throws head into pillow and cries*

2. If this were a perfect world and you had limitless money, resources and time - what kind of music would you make and with what instrument? Another difficult question! I think I would start off on the piano. I would practice Eastern European music and then I would learn the violin. Yes, I know I was slightly cruel to the violin three blog posts ago but I have to admit it's a pretty good instrument. Then I would go somewhere like Hungary and get involved in some dimly-lit music scene that involves fast music, beer, and great chords. Then I would go to Ireland and learn how to fiddle the Irish way, and drink Guinness. I would return to New Zealand and teach children to play folk music. (I don't actually like beer but from all accounts European beer is something different, and anyway, I can't imagine playing folk music without drinking beer!) Edit: I would also go to the Hague and learn how to play the recorder as beautifully as it can be done. I would learn how to do real piano jazz.

3. Jane Austen is writing a book with you as her heroine. Which member of U2 does she fix you up with and why? Best question EVER!! Well, to start with, I would have a huge crush on the Edge. I would stand in absurd awe of his musical talent, and he wouldn't notice me at all. Meanwhile, Adam Clayton would stand on the sidelines, slowly but steadily falling in love with me, and suffering great pangs of heartache that I loved one so unworthy as the Edge. Then I would fall over a cliff, and the Edge wouldn't notice because he was too busy working out the chords for a new riff, but Adam would plunge over to save me, awaking my passion for him, and all would live happily ever after. (This heartwarming story doesn't mention Bono, because he would be in Africa, nor Larry, because he's too pretty and sullen.)

4. If humans were spotted, stripped, blotched, etc., like cats and dogs can be - what would your pattern be? Definitely stripped. That's much more stylish. I don't want to be a blotchy human. Stripes, however, are slimming. :)

5. What is your guilty pleasure? And I mean real guilty - don't wimp out here. I'm sorry to say that I don't actually have a majorly guilty pleasure, ie, I smoke cocaine and take steroids before athletics competitions and have my own sweatshop. But I have lots of naughty little pleasures that make me feel, overall, quite guilty most of the time, such as:
- I like to complain. And get attention. As you've probably all noticed (see two blog posts ago).
- I like chocolate a little too much. And lollies. And cake. And anything else with sugar or fat in it.
- I love spending money. A day will feel slightly weird if I haven't spent anything. I think my whole childhood was spent dreaming about the glorious future in which I would have more than twenty cents a week to spend, and now I'm compensating for those dreams.
- I fantasise about things that will happen to me in the future. It is especially enjoyable to think of my own death and how sorry everyone will be, or to imagine getting incurable diseases. I also like to think up witty rejoinders to statements that no one has ever said to me, nor will ever say to me.
- I like to wallow. In misery, tiredness, etc. It's a bit boring to be perfectly happy and relaxed.
- I'm very, very irritable when at my most honest. My dad will attest to this.
- People think I'm very calm, but I'm actually a seething mass of resentment.

So there you have it. My first interview. Thanks, LEstes65!

U2 Top 20 - April 2007

You probably will not remember, or have seen this, but last April, I made a list on here of my top twenty U2 songs at the time [see here]. It's time to do it again! I'm interested to see how it has changed.

1) Running to Standstill - I've always loved this but it hops up to first position after seeing it on the Sydney ZooTV DVD... it was... wow!
2) Kite
3) Original of the Species
4) Desire
5) Love is Blindness - this choice is also affected by the ZooTV DVD.
6) Bad
7) Discotheque
8) One - number one last year is now number eight... I think I've listened to it too often! But I still love it!
9) All I Want is You
10) Walk On
11) The Saints are Coming (with Green Day) - this was the best rock song released last year, in my opinion!
12) One Tree Hill
13) Yahweh
14) In A Little While
15) Window in the Skies
16) Grace
17) Miss Sarajevo - I saw this live, and Bono sang the Pavarotti part - surprisingly well!
18) Angel of Harlem - I never used to like this, but it was one of the coolest songs at the concert I went to. Completely transformed my opinion of it.
19) All Because of You
20) Numb

I had to chop fourteen songs off my list to narrow it down to twenty, so I will give special mention to seven of them: Gone. The Hands that Built America. Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me. Where the Streets Have No Name. Exit. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own. Pride (In the Name of Love).

Top 10 Live Songs:
1) The Saints Are Coming - from my own experience at the Auckland concert in November 2006.
2) Where the Streets Have No Name - from experience and from every DVD I've ever watched.
3) Love is Blindness - ZooTV DVD
4) Running to Standstill - ZooTV DVD
5) One - Slane Castle DVD, own experience
6) All I Want is You - Slane Castle DVD
7) The Fly - own experience, Boston DVD
8) Angel of Harlem - own experience
9) Kite - own experience, Boston DVD
10) Wake Up Dead Man - Slane Castle DVD

Phew, I wouldn't recommend doing this. It's like chopping limbs off your baby, or words off your essay (which, by the way, I have succeeded in doing - 900 words are gone without leaving anything crucial out! Hooray!).

October 30... day of infamy...

So, Stacy's tagged me to do this birthday meme. It involves typing your date of birth into google (which, in my case is 30 October)! Pretty simple really, so here goes:

List three events that happened that day

1) 1938 - Orson Welles broadcasts his radio play of H. G. Wells's War of the Worlds, causing a nationwide panic. I'd never heard of this before but thought it rather amusing!
2) 1961 - Due to "violations of Lenin's precepts", it is decreed that Josef Stalin's body be removed from its place of honour inside Lenin's tomb and buried near the Kremlin wall with a plain granite marker instead. Given my interest in Soviet Russia, this seemed a good choice for an event.
3) 2005 - The rebuilt Dresden Frauenkirche (destroyed in the firebombing of Dresden during World War II) is reconsecrated after a thirteen-year rebuilding project. And I just thought this was kinda cool.

List two important birthdays
1) 1821 - Fyodor Dostoevsky, Russian writer. Hooray! I had thought for years that no one cool was born on my birthday. But there could be nothing cooler than sharing a birthday with Dostoevsky, in my humble, literature-student opinion.
2) 1885 - Ezra Pound, American poet. That's a little bit cool too, but not quite as cool as Dostoevsky.

List 1 death
1968 - Rose Wilder Lane. I chose her because she was literally the only person on the list whose name I knew. Is it right to be depressed that no one amazingly important has died on your birthday?

List a holiday or observance
International Orthopaedic Nurses Day. Part-ay! The other option was 'Mischief Night' in the USA.

Well, maybe this post doesn't quite live up to the promising title. So sue me.

I am about the most tired I have been since ever right now. I am pushing myself very hard at uni and with my tutoring and so on and I'm wondering how long I can keep it up. It is the first time ever that I have drunk about five large caffeine-sodden drinks in one day without feeling any effects whatsoever except the unwanted ones. Please tell me I'm not alone! Actually, don't do that. I want to be the only busy person in the world so that I can gripe as much as I like and everyone else will only look at me admiringly and whisper to each other about how hard-working and humble I am. I think that will be another law in my tyrannical dictatorship. Never be busier than Allie, or it's the gulag for you.

my tyrannical dictatorship

I have decided to take a leaf from Sarakastic's book, and create a list of rules for when I have my own tyrannical dictatorship. Sara is merely going for princesshood, but I'm feeling grumpy, and a dictatorship seemed appropriate given that I am currently up to my ears in Nazi Germany, so much so that I'm not quite sure where I live anymore.

1) I would send long-winded and unintelligible academics to a gulag. Judith Butler would be at the top of my list. Has anyone else had the joy of reading Judith Butler? Here's a choice example: "To claim that gender is constructed is not to assert its illusoriness or artificiality, where those terms are understood to reside within a binary that counterposes the 'real' and the 'authentic' as oppositional. ... Certain cultural configurations of gender take the place of the 'real' and consolidate and augment their hegemony through that felicitous self-naturalization." [Butler, Judith (1989) Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity, London: Routledge.] Enough said, right?

2) Today I watched some of the Cinderella movie with a Maori voiceover. Didn't understand a thing. But I have decided that in my dictatorship, if children want to watch cartoons or movies, they might as well learn another language while doing so. Therefore, Spongebob will be in Russian, Shrek in Mandarin, and the Simpsons will be in Gaelic. You will be able to choose to have subtitles - thereby, improving kids' reading as well as their language skills!

3) Petrol will be kept at a fixed rate of five cents a litre. That is, unless you drive a ugly great fuel-consuming attention-grabbing four wheel drive and don't live in the country. In that case, you will subsidise everyone else's fuel reduction, plus pay fully for your own. Ha!

4) Every day, people over ten years of age would have to learn a new word, and prove it to a state-sponsored official who would ring every residence every evening to check up on you. And it would have to be an interesting word, and you would have to justify learning it, and you would have to spell it exactly right.

5) I would personally have to approve every song that came onto the airways. Rappers would be treading on thin ice; likewise earnest boy bands. No more Hallmark card Christian hymns; in fact any hymns that mention the word 'passion' or 'hold me close' would be gone. Any songs that were played too much on the radio, enough so that I got sick of them - gone.

6) No more coloured blazers, especially pale blue or pink, with a contrasting tie. Yucky! The only exception would be for very dark colours, such as navy, I suppose. But you'd have to apply for a special exemption.

7) No more piano accordions. As the Far Side cartoon goes, 'Welcome to heaven. Here's your harp. / Welcome to hell. Here's your piano accordion.' There would also be a limit on the numbers of children learning violin or flute, and if you wanted to do violin or flute but couldn't get in, you would be put into a class to do something much cooler, such as bagpipes or didgeridoo. On the other hand, no more jokes about recorders. Recorders are noble instruments.

Well, that'll do for a start, I suppose. Plenty more time to plot.

An aside: I think I'm developing RSI (or OOS) again in my left arm. Grooooaaaaan. I'm right-handed but I've had it quite badly in my left arm before and I have a feeling that practicing CPR on Saturday wasn't fantastic for it.

my new friend

Meet my new friend, Mini-Anne. Yes, she is a blow-up doll. [you can use this space to make a really funny joke about blow-up dolls] Stop laughing now, because Mini-Anne stops at the torso, and doesn't even have arms, and let's face it - she's not that attractive. But only I am allowed to say it.

She is, however, extremely useful for learning CPR. And she now belongs to me. That's right - I'm doing a St Johns First Aid course this weekend. Eight hours have passed today, and eight more will pass tomorrow. I now know how to perform CPR, how to dress wounds, how to handle burns, how to treat hypovolaemic shock, and how to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre. We have covered cardiac arrest, asthma, strokes, anaphylactic shock - and so on.

It's a fun class. There are ten other people in it and we all get along very well and manage to laugh at most of the gory stories our instructor delights in telling us, although the burn photos he showed us just couldn't really become funny. There also happens to be a very handsome Frenchman in the class. :) We get to do roleplays and fun little things like that, and our 'assessments' basically mean doing what he tells us, and if we don't he'll soon correct us. All the same, they couldn't really charge us $200 and then make it hard for us to pass.

I'm actually rather looking forward to going again tomorrow. All the same, it means I have to go and write my essay on D. H. Lawrence's critique of militarism right now. But perhaps after that I can go practice my CPR technique on my very own CPR dummy! Now, isn't that worth $200?

Update 25/3/07: I have just got home after the second session of the course, proud owner of my very own first aid certificate. Today we had to handle different scenarios as an assessment, and took turns being the patient. Thus, today has been a busy day for me - I have had wounds, open fractures, closed fractures, asthma, two seizures, alcohol poisoning, a heat stroke, burns, spinal injuries and allergies - and I have been in hypovolaemic shock several times. Good times. It was especially fun pretending to be drunk, having a fit, and falling into the bonfire at the work Christmas party at the beach. We had a good instructor today too, but I missed yesterday's nice oldish man who liked to say "You have to get down and boogie" and tell gory stories then say "He was not a happy bunny."

moral dilemma

This morning I went to buy myself a much needed trim fair trade flat white to go (I have fun saying that, and just about as much fun typing it) at Cafe 101, on campus. I waited for my coffee, put a lid on it, and turned to go, when someone barrelled into me by mistake, knocking me backwards, with an "oh my gosh, sorry!" My coffee was safe... but my large and heavy backpack swung round and knocked some poor, caffeine-deprived woman, causing her to spill half her latte all over the floor. Now - this was not my fault, obviously, but the woman turned to me with a scowl and a very loud and angry "watch-where-you're-going!" and proceeded to tell me to clean up the mess in a schoolteacher voice. I was a bit stunned by this, it being early in the morning, and so quietly began cleaning it up - and the person who had caused the accident in the first place helped me, which was nice. But I felt very embarrassed and a little bit annoyed that I got yelled at in front of large queues of coffee addicts for something that was not my fault, although to be fair the woman didn't know it wasn't me. Was this rude behaviour, or was it her prerogative to yell at someone who spilt half her latte? I still haven't quite decided. Oh, the difficulty of assessing moral grey areas. :)

In other news, I find it quite funny that one of my sisters, who lives in Auckland and is off on a jetsetting trip to Malaysia and Thailand for the next three weeks, has begged me to tape Grey's Anatomy, ER and Boston Legal for her while she's gone. Not that I can judge, of course. I have been absolutely shockingly addicted to TV the last few weeks. Mainly because by the time I get home my brain is so frazzled by academia that in my considered scientific opinion the best thing for it is to fill it with fluff. If I was in a women's magazine I would call it my secret shame. I have been watching Desperate Housewives, Men in Trees, Ugly Betty, ER, Grey's Anatomy, America's Next Top Model (it's addictive!!), Shark, Antiques Roadshow, Top Gear and Thank God You're Here. Somebody save me! Hey, but then - at least I don't watch American Idol (except in the ad breaks) ! Yes, we get it here! It's everywhere!

Almost forgot - I am soon to be a jetsetter too. Well, not quite, I'm only going as far as Australia. But the tickets are now officially bought and it is really going to happen!! I am leaving Christchurch for Auckland on 13 July, and spending the weekend there with my sister. Then, on 15 July I am off to Perth, Australia, for a whole semester. This is going to keep me going right up until June, I should think.

the hills are alive

I've been thinking lately that my life should be more fun. To tell the truth, getting high marks and saving money isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm pretty sure I won't lie on my deathbed thinking, "well, at least I got an A on my HIST369 essay in 2007!" (Not that I wouldn't mind having an A, or preferably an A+, on my approaching essay, two weeks away and counting.) I must be the most boring student in the world. But then, I don't really like alcohol or sports, and I plan not to have sex, and it doesn't seem like fun students do much else. So my latest scheme for fun is this:

A singalong Sound of Music!! I will invite all my friends and vague acquaintances who are as silly as me, and we will dress up in crazy costumes, drink pink lemonade, and sing along with Maria and Christopher Plummer and Liesl and Kurt-the-Hitler-Youth-guy and the Reverend Mother, with our hands on our hearts. I went to a commercially organised one of these a few years ago and it was a blast. It was at a big theatre in town, and there were small, cute children who were Marta and Gretel, there were huge numbers of nuns, there were grown, probably drunk men wearing fake plastic breasts and deer antlers (...doe, a deer... naturally...), there were brown paper packages tied up with string, and lonely goatherds. We all sang along at the top of our voices. When Maria sits in her room on the first night, wondering how to get play clothes for the children, we all shouted, "Maria! The curtains! Look behind you!" When Maria and Captain von Trapp kiss, we let off party poppers and cheered. Whenever a Nazi came on, we hissed. When we sang 'How do you solve a problem like Maria?', we had a whole routine to match it, including added words such as a flibbertigibbet, a will'o the wisp, a clown HONK HONK!

Of course the entry requirements for the evening will be that you have to be a real fan of The Sound of Music. The whole thing could flop miserably if half the people there don't really know the songs and feel a bit stupid about it anyway.

I am going to sit down and watch The Sound of Music through, and make notes about all the things we can do, or eat, or sing. Does anyone have any ideas???

Miss Potter

I have just been to the movie Miss Potter, starring Renee Zellweger and Ewan McGregor, and based on the life of Beatrix Potter, and I loved it so much that I am going to have to rave about it for at least two more paragraphs.

I was a bit diffident about seeing the film because I'm a little iffy sometimes about whether Ewan McGregor is actually all he's cracked up to be, and I wondered whether Renee Zellweger would mistake an English accent for being Bridget Jones all over again - but this is the best film I've seen with them in it yet. They have wonderful chemistry. The other characters are all really strong, and the relationship of Miss Potter with her parents was especially interesting. It's the sort of film that deserves the adjectives 'charming', 'delightful', and 'Really Nice' - but in no way is it wishy-washy or forgettable. I love that it is in many ways a serious and at times heart-wrenching movie, yet it manages not to leave you with a feeling of sorrow as it finishes. It is beautifully filmed, with a sweet and witty screenplay. From the opening credits you could tell it would be lovely - the attention to colour and texture was perfect. The scenery is also stunning in the sections filmed in the Lake District. The animation of her little characters is also very cute and original. I don't know much about Beatrix Potter's life, but it didn't seem to stray into the realms of Hollywood-izing. It also didn't go in the other direction and just trail off leaving you wondering if that was the real ending; it managed a plot, which I think is important in a movie.

My sister was telling me about an interview with Ewan McGregor she heard, talking about this movie. He was saying that he loved how the romantic climax of this movie was a kiss. Merely a kiss. They don't make them that way anymore. I would agree highly. The kiss was beautifully done. Thank goodness for a movie that doesn't have to make its characters sexually repressed whenever a hint of chasteness is present.

So, all in all, I would highly recommend this movie. I happened to love Beatrix Potter's books as a child (in fact, I still do), but even if you've never heard of her before, you will probably love this film too.

Let's hope the coming movie based on Jane Austen, starring Anne Hathaway, will be as brilliant. I am inclined to suspect no. The few reviews I've read so far don't sound very promising (eg this one), and it sounds like they are going to focus on a part of Austen's life that has never seemed that crucial to me. It's a bit depressing really. It does have James McAvoy as the romantic lead, which I approve of immensely, but for any of the purists out there (like me), I have a horrible feeling we're going to hate it.

navs

Just got home. Am exhausted. But I will sacrifice my sleep to tell you something cool.

I am in a Christian group at uni called Navigators, which we call Navs most of the time, and this year I am a small group leader. Tonight was the first night for small groups, and we had a basically social time, just getting to know each other, as this year there's heaps of new people. Ryan (my co-leader) and I decided to take our group of about eight up on the Port Hills to the Sign of the Bellbird which overlooks Christchurch, taking blankets, hot chocolate in thermoses, marshmallows and a little gas burner... until this morning, winter officially arrived in New Zealand in a blaze of cold and wet glory and we almost decided to be boring and go to a cafe. However, it wasn't raining so much by this evening, and on the spur of the moment we decided to go up anyway, although we didn't manage the marshmallows and gas burner.

However, when we got there we discovered two people setting up a fire at the little ruin which doubles as a shelter at the Sign of the Bellbird. Get this for a coincidence - they were ex-Navs people. Half of us knew them. And what was the coolest thing - they were setting up the place for their flatmate to bring his girlfriend to and propose to her!!! They had a log fire going in the old fireplace there, they set up candles all around the room, and they had an electric piano they had brought up so their flatmate could croon love songs to his girlfriend - who probably, by now, is his fiancee!

At first we thought we were going to have to leave, but they said we could stay for an hour or so because their friend wasn't coming up for a while - so we got to sit in our little circle eating food and drinking hot chocolate, near a roaring log fire, with candles all over the room, looking down on a sparkling Christchurch! It was lovely. We all chatted and then did the obligatory ice-breaker thing, and then when the prospective proposer texted that they were on their way, we all left and drove down the hill to the nearest cafe.

How cool is that?!

James Joyce

Dear Mr Joyce,

I want you to know that I think your book, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, is the stupidest book I have ever read. I only read it because it was on the reading list for my Twentieth Century Novel course. I was bored from start to finish (except for a few pages where it looked like some semblance of a plot was forming), and from about page 200 I was counting the pages until the end. I don't know why you "artistic" types feel that to be a real artist you have to bore any normal people to tears. Stephen Dedalus is an arrogant twerp and the rest of the characters seem to me just to be shadow-like plot devices to use whenever you get sick of the sound of your own voice (which, believe me, is not often). No wonder the book was only $8.

I have heard before that Ulysses is the greatest novel ever written in English. Although I have not read that novel, my scepticism is now unbounded. Do you write these books simply to torment English students who already have too much reading to do anyway?

Yours sincerely,
Allie.

Allie's Academy Awards

In honour of the awards season only just finishing and in honour of this being my 250th blog post (yay!), I would like to create my own set of Academy Awards. As this is the first chance I have had to compile such a list, they will be covering the last fifty years or so. My academy consists of one (me), all categories are created by me, all categories are filled by as many winners as I choose and they all lack thorough or considered opinion. Judge's decision is final.

Best ending - because an ending that adds something really special to its unexpected twist = satisfying.

Gloomy Sunday

The Ladykillers

Best premise

Waking Ned Devine - a man on a tiny Irish island wins the lottery and dies of shock. What will his friends do?

Nicest French movies

Les Choristes

Amelie

Best beginning-credits - because these can so often be boring that a really good one deserves some credit.

Casino Royale

Funniest movies

Thank You For Smoking

The Castle

Best New Zealand movies

Whale Rider

The World's Fastest Indian

Heavenly Creatures

Best superhero movie

Batman Begins

Best crime movies

O Brother Where Art Thou?

The Ladykillers

Best soundtrack

Gloomy Sunday

Grease

Best casts

A Room With A View

Waking Ned Devine

Notting Hill

The Ladykillers

Best characters

Charlotte Bartlett, A Room With A View

Eleanor Lavish, A Room With A View

Amelie, Amelie

Darryl Kerrigan, The Castle

Derek Zoolander, Zoolander

Billy Mack, Love Actually

Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump

Spike, Notting Hill

Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

Sam, I Am Sam

Marianne Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility

Best animated film

Shrek (1 & 2)

Best children's movie

Nanny McPhee

Best based-on-a-true-story movies

The Dish

A Beautiful Mind

Best dance movie

Strictly Ballroom

Best chick flicks

Legally Blonde

Clueless

Best WWII movies

Gloomy Sunday

Life is Beautiful

The Pianist

Best make-you-cry movies

I Am Sam

Gloomy Sunday

Walk the Line

Forrest Gump

Best romantic comedies

Notting Hill

Love Actually

Best adaptations of a novel

Sense and Sensibility

A Room With A View

Best songs in movies

"Be Prepared", The Lion King

"Gloomy Sunday", Gloomy Sunday

"Oh What a Circus", Evita

"You're the One that I Want", Grease

Please do feel free to question or contradict my opinion! As said earlier, not a colossal amount of thought went into these and there are certain to be some really good 'uns that I missed.

concerts

Amanda and Brooke.
Band members of Fat Freddy's Drop.
While Fat Freddy's Drop plays, someone dances with pois.

Today I went to an O'Week concert - O'Week is Orientation Week, when students go a little crazy and try to ignore the large amounts of money they need to spend on textbooks. It was the "big" concert of the week, called Cheap as Chips - although it was actually more like the price of fifteen scoops of chips - and it featured three bands, Korah, Fat Freddy's Drop and Shapeshifter. They're all Kiwi bands, and Fat Freddy's Drop has done especially well in New Zealand [see their website here]. They've probably sold more albums than any other band over the last few years. They're a kind of dub/reggae group with a really laidback, summery feel, and they have a really cool brass section with trumpets and saxophones.

Well, the atmosphere of the whole concert was great. Perfect weather - not too hot, but I still managed to get sunburnt. Silly me. There was a huge range of people at the concert as it wasn't open only to students, and what was kind of nice was there were heaps of families with cute kids running round. So it was nice at times just lying back on the grass with a picnic lunch, listening to summery music and applying sunscreen, with my friends Amanda and Brooke.

All the same, I was kind of disappointed with Fat Freddy's Drop. Their two major singles ("Wandering Eye" and "Skanking With Me" - please don't judge them by their song names) are really, really cool and as I'm not a major fan, they are really the only songs I know well by the group. But they didn't play them! So they have been touring the last two years playing the same songs, but all the same, the rest of their music was a bit vague despite a cool beat now and then, while those singles were really distinctive and original music with great rhythm and great tunes. The perfect type of music for a summer concert. Therefore, I was annoyed that I had spent $27 and not heard them! It was also annoying that there was a one hour gap between every band, so the concert didn't end until 6pm, when it started at 1pm. Here the review endeth.

halfway down the stairs

The March issue of Halfway Down the Stairs, the e-zine I'm involved in, has just come out - so if you like reading, check it out! Avis has done a stellar job on web design and I must say it looks terrific. If you're a fan of Stacy's blog, also have a look because she's the senior nonfiction editor! Or if you like writing poems, short stories, nonfiction, or book reviews, take a look at the submissions page for our September 2007 issue, themed Notes.

Last night I was tutoring a Korean student, and I asked her to make a list of the places she would like to visit in the world, and why. It inspired me to make my own list, so here goes. I am leaving out all the places I have already visited, which are Malaysia, the USA, Thailand, Singapore and Australia - I would revisit all of these if I could as well as the countries on the list below!

1) Britain. It is probably very WASPish of me to choose this and I feel like I should be culturally adventurous and choose something like Haiti or Lesotho to be first on my list. All the same, having grown up in a culture that has been influenced so much by another country, I can't help but want to visit it. I would do a Jane Austen pilgrimage. I would visit the Tower of London. I would go to Portland, where a sort-of-ancestor wrote an amazing diary during the Napoleonic Wars, and find her grave. I would go to Devonshire and Dover and Stonehenge and all those places I've heard about in literature or history or life in general. Note my cunning in choosing Britain rather than England, which means I can also visit Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland!

2) Germany. Basically, I couldn't put every single western European country onto the list at the number two spot, so I had to choose one. And Germany is the land of my maternal ancestors, and I would like to learn German, and I have a good friend who's German, and it's a beautiful country with lots of castles! All the same, when you read Germany, also read "detours into surrounding countries also".

3) Russia. I think Russia is one of the most fascinating countries historically speaking and within it there is such a huge variety of people and sights. One of my dad's dreams is to travel on the Trans-Siberian railway, and I think that would be rather cool also. Russian is another language that I would like to learn, also.

4) Alaska. Okay, so this is part of the USA, and I said I wouldn't be including that, but to be fair, I was only in the part of America that stretches from California to Maine. Alaska looks like a fairyland, basically, and I would love to go there. For examples of the gorgeousness of Alaska, see Dave's blog - he's a great photographer who lives in Anchorage. Although I don't think it would be hard to take great photos if you lived in that part of the world.

5) Israel. Yeah, there are difficulties with this one. I don't know if I'll ever get to go, so it only makes number five, but in terms of wanting to go, it would probably make number one or two. To go somewhere that is so ancient would just be amazing, when I come from a country that has at most 800 years of human history, and only 200ish years of well-recorded history. Being a Christian, to go places that I've heard about in stories all my life... well, it would be amazing.

6) Norway. Another beautiful country. This time my reasons are a little more obscure and I'm not sure why it gets such a high weighting because of them - but there you are. I like the composer Edvard Grieg. I think you couldn't write music like he did if you didn't come from an incredible country. I also like Roald Dahl. Okay, so he was born in Wales, but he was of Norwegian extraction. Yes, I know these are very tenuous reasons.

7) China. China looks like it's the most fascinating country. I wouldn't even know where to begin because there are so many amazing places to see there. One in particular that has been tempting lately is Harbin, in the north. Super-cold in winter, and has an Ice and Snow festival, or something like that, that looks so cool. No pun intended there.

8) Jordan. This makes number eight for one sole reason. Petra. I want to go to Petra so much. Why? It's amazing. It's in a Tintin book. Reason enough, right?

9) Morocco. I've heard fantastic things about Morocco, but I have to admit that the main reason Morocco is so attractive to me is that Moroccan food is scrummy. I've only had it several times... but it's simply delicious. Fascinating country, too...

10) Greece. Again, ancient lands are alluring. I'm sure the tourist crowds at places like the Parthenon are terrible, but at the same time, to see places so old must be awe-inspiring. Greece is also so beautiful - the buildings, the sea, everything.

So - there's my list. Does anyone have any lists of their own?

hooray for conspiracies

So - yet another group of people have come forward with "compelling" evidence that Jesus's body never left earth, and that he married Mary Magdalene and fathered a child. You can catch up on the goss at this site. A documentary called The Lost Tomb of Jesus will be directed by Simcha Jacobovici and produced by James Cameron, no less - must be true, right? As the Discovery Channel president said, "The evidence is compelling. The consequences are enormous." DNA samples have even been taken from the corpses - well, naturally. Won't that be useful.

I always find it amusing how people pick their words. In these sort of situations, you always seem to hear words like "compelling". From now on I am avoiding that word because it seems that whenever it is used, it is being used to try and manipulate you into believing something that has no reasonable basis. Likewise, as I commented early last year on my blog after being subjected to the critique of a weirdo with stupid hair, people seem to use the words "conservative", "reactionary", "puritannical" or "moralising" whenever they don't agree with what you say. Or, it goes the other way round and people start talking about "political correctness gone mad". It's silly really, that single words like this, without any real meaning, can actually affect the way people think about something, but as soon as someone mentions the word "compelling" in something, a little trigger seems to go off in our brains (or, at least, mine) that indicates it must have scholarly, unbiased backing or something. They are basically trigger-words for invalidating other positions, so that no one can attack your own.

Well, at any rate, this whole we-have-found-Jesus'-tomb seems to me to be as probable as successfully proving that Adam and Eve were monkeys.

For your viewing pleasure, I have included a recent photo of my little niece Ruby that my sister sent to my phone. She is soooo cuuuuuuuuuute! (I am a clucky aunt.)